how to tell teenage DC about new man?

[catkin14]

i left my exh early this year and now my teenage DC and I live alone in a small town where everyone knows everyone.

For a little while now I have been seeing a lovely man and we get on really well.
He understands that DC has been through a lot this year and the situation needs handling carefully, but I would like to let DC know I have had a few dates with this chap, and that hes not moving in or a threat in any way to DC but that I like him and would like to be open about me seeing him.

DC gets very upset if he feels things are being kept from him so I want to say something as news travels very fast here, but by the same token I dont want to stress DC out either.

Any advices please?

I'd say not to make it into a big thing. Next time you see new man just drop into casual conversation that you are seeing him tonight just for some company. Answer any questions & then move the conversation on to other things. Repeat the next time until DS knows you are seeing him often.

DS doesn't need to know the ahem romantic details, just take it slowly & keep the sex out of the house while DS is there to avoid him hearing or even seeing inappropriate things.

Be honest with him, let him know new man is not meant to be a replacement for his dad but is a companion for you. You have the right to see NM & to be happy & this is all normal & understandable & nothing wrong is happening :)

I'm not sure of the answer but I'm in a similar situation myself and have been wondering how to tell my children. At the moment I'm sneaking off to see him on the night they go to their dads but I hate the secrecy and would rather tell them.

I think slowly and casually is the key. As onetiredmummy says, make sure they know he's never going to replace their dad, he's not moving in, it's just a friendship for now.

My children aren't teenage yet but my dd is nearly 12 and very sensible. I don't want to upset her as she's v close to her dad, so I'm going to bide my time a little while longer yet.

How do you think your dcs will react?

Thanks both replies.

I too think I will just say hes a friend, and yes no way sex in my house while DC is there, hes 15 so wouldnt go down well!

My DC was close to his dad but since we split exh has very little to do with him, so DC has been hurt a lot by this.

But I want him to know so that he doesnt feel as if I am keeping it a secret and also I would like NM to be able to pop in for cup of tea n chat etc, just harmless every day stuff.

I really dont know how DC will react but I am very supportive with him and his GF and take him and her where ever they need to go, so I am hoping he will be ok.
I will be so glad to see the end of this incredibly difficult year!

Hope it all goes well for you. I'm also looking forward to this awful year being over Worst year of my life. But it's ending much better than it started

yes same here RollerCola, ending is much better than beginning!

I just need to now say the words to DC and get it over with!

I hope it gets better for us all

I would approach it much as you have done in your OP. That you've met someone who you get in with well, he's not moving in etc, and will never be expected to take on a fatherly role, just a friend for you.

I'm sure if your new man is as lovely as you say, he and your DS will get on well when they meet and there won't be any issues.

Fwiw, my DCs love my DP, who I met a few months after splitting from XH. He's fun and enjoys spending time with us all, with and without his DCs. The fact that I'm so much happier is good for us all and their lives are the better for having him around. It doesn't always have to be a negative thing.

Thanks for that DoingItForMyself

I think he will like him and its probably just me putting problems in my head where are none really.

As I did the leaving in the marriage, I feel a huge amount of guilt that I have caused my DC to suffer which I suppose is why I am worrying so much. Its a hard job to teach a teenager that life cant always be what we want or expect but I hope he see's that both his parents are now much happier without each other (well me anyway as he rarely see's his DF)