is this OK? Another colleague-related thread

[gettingabitworriednow]

Name changed for this as worried about getting flamed one way or another.

I have a colleague who is male. We are on the same level so no power issues and we share an office but are not in the office that much, and hardly ever alone together. We usually drink a coffee once a day at the same time, as well as others, during which time there is usually a bit of chatting and joking going on.

I am married with 2 young kids and have posted before about my marriage problems (no sex and some disagreements with dh); however, we are kind of sorting things out. Colleague is not married.

I like him very much. He is very funny and clever. I like talking to him and I like it when he talks to me. I haven't been at work for the past week or so and I have sort of missed this. I don't discuss intimate details of my relationship with him and he has never met dh.

I once went out with him and some other colleagues. We got very drunk in a bar until it was just me, him and one other colleague left. Then we went home. Separately.

I would like to meet him for a coffee or go out to a bar again with him but, having read some other threads on here, I am feeling a bit uncomfortable about it. If he was female, I wouldn't think twice about it.

It's like reading these threads has made me paranoid and confused about my own life.

Been there done that. You are becoming emotionally reliant upon him. It isn't the same as a coffee and girl chat. Work on the communication in your marriage. An outside influence isn't going to help you get back on track.

Not a great idea. You want to meet up with him exclusively because he makes you feel good. Unless you were a lesbian, then that sort of relationship with a woman wouldn't progress any further. As you are heterosexual, there is the potential for this to slide into an emotional affair or a physical affair.

I think that men and women can be friends. But, trying to become friends with the opposite sex while you are in a confused and vulnerable state in your love life is a dangerous thing to do, as there is just too much risk that you start 'investing' your emotional life in this new relationship instead of dealing with your actual one.

If you were already close friends outside of work, there wouldn't be a need to drop that, but I don't think this is a good time to try to progress to something more than 'colleagues who get on decently well' while you are in the process of trying to sort out your marriage.

To be honest, as I was reading through your OP, I thought it was going to end with 'So should I give up on my marriage and ask him out on a date?', because you do sound like you like him a lot. And not just as a mate/colleague.