New man angst

[Pippylongstocking2]

Name changed. Met a new man ( OD) 4 almost 5 months ago . All been going well. We have fun, he makes me laugh, he is lovely, great in bed . All great!

But ,I just am not sure this is what I want or if it's right ( no major fireworks etc) and I think I'm scared that if I like him too much he will hurt me. We have similar background stories ( his ex) and lots in common.

My ex of 25 years cheated on me and I left him last year and continues to make my life hell- ( even though we are now divorced) . He was the "love of my life" - or so I thought and I would have done anything for him. He is now marrying the girlfriend he met a year ago so she can stay in the UK! He is an angry and abusive man with narcissistic tendencies.

Back to new man- like I say lovely, he makes me smile and happy but there is just not the same passion as I felt with my ex who I adored-but can't work out if that's a good thing ( I always went for high achieving exciting unavailable men) this one is stable and safe and adores me.

Am I just looking for something that's not good for me and I'm scared if i did end it I'd regret it in the future? Any advice gratefully accepted!!

It sounds like you havent fully got over your ex, and so maybe that is why you are finding this difficult.
Maybe you just arent ready yet. You can always take things at a slower pace with this new man

Huh I used to be like that and when your used to abusive , arrogant arseholes or the 'bad boy' it does feel unexciting it's stupid but true, but eventually you realise that actually someone stable, caring and adoring is how a partner should be and a relationship should be stable and loving, it may lack the excitement at first but I would stick at it and take it slow see if your feelings change. They might not and you might crave this uncertain lifestyle but it could be like you say you don't want to get hurt and your pulling away, it's so hard to trust someone after been cheated on. I'm finding it hard to be with someone nice and stable after the shit I've been through but we just took it slow and that's helped, see how it goes I say x

Stable and Safe and Adoring sounds wonderful. There might not be an amazing spark just yet but it's early days and things like that with a good partner grow.

I'm in a similar position. EA husband of 23 yrs, cold, uncaring, self absorbed. Met new guy a few months ago and the difference is remarkable. Kind, considerate, caring. But not crazy wild and sexy. There's been no wild excitement, just a slowly growing affection. I like it.

Take your time and see how it goes. It's probably just different to your previous relationship so your not used to it. He sounds lovely!

Thanks, that's exactly how I feel! Good to know it's not just me! We are taking it slowly and he's aware of my history so isn't pushing for more ( has also been there for me when ex is being difficult so seen it 1st hand) I guess it's like a bad habit that you know is not good for you!

You are right roller stable safe and adoring is wonderful! :-)

Pippy I'm in a remarkably similar situation! It feels very strange because I'm just not used to the kindness and affection. He's also not pushing for anything more, he's told me he's perfectly happy just to take things at a pace I'm comfortable with. And if I'm not ready it's fine.

I've not really told him much about my ex, but he understands it's been very difficult and hasn't asked for details. I'll open up to him when I'm ready.

For now we're just enjoying spending a bit of time together. Not too much as my ex only has the kids one night a week. But that's helping to keep my feet on the ground too.

Good luck with it!