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Original poster

I'm being petty to be upset by this, aren't I?

18 replies

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 29/12/2013 07:53

Background: just spent five days for Christmas with DH's family. This is rarely much fun for me as they don't like me. I go anyway for the DCs (4 and 1) and for him. I don't complain about it.

DH is back at work today. I am on my second day of a nasty cold and feel rotten. He has to leave at 8.15am. At 6.30, when the baby woke up, I asked if he could get up with him so I could have an extra hour to sleep (didn't sleep well in the night). He said he had to leave at 8.15. So didn't get up.

He's got up just now - 7.45. Time for a shower and to get dressed, with no children to look after as I'm doing it.

It does sound petty, now I've written it down. Just made me feel really sad. My cold isn't that bad, but felt it in the night.

OP posts:
loveisagirlnameddaisy · 29/12/2013 07:57

I think its mean. A lot of people get up for work at 6.30 so it's not unreasonable to ask him to help. I have a major problem with fathers who do little or no night/early morning care for their children.

rubyslippers · 29/12/2013 08:00

Would he usually do this?

It's pretty mean and I don't think it is petty

FamiliesShareGerms · 29/12/2013 08:00

It's not petty to ask a father to get up to look after his children. But this should have nothing to do with the fact you've been staying at the inlaws for a few days.

Original poster
Judyandherdreamofhorses · 29/12/2013 08:00

Well, I don't like to mention that I've done all the night waking for both very poor sleepers for the last 4.5 years. He's obviously pissed off that he has to go to work today!

OP posts:
Original poster
Judyandherdreamofhorses · 29/12/2013 08:01

In laws was background to show that the holidays haven't revolved around me having lie ins or anything. Irrelevant I suppose.

OP posts:
cjel · 29/12/2013 09:42

I don't really know who was being mean, Did he really need that extra bit of sleep?, does he think you can get a nap later if dds sleep?
The inky thing I'd say is that it can be a million times worse when you feel illxxx

stowsettler · 29/12/2013 09:46

I think that's incredibly insensitive. I work FT and DP looks after DD. I still get up with her every morning and give her breakfast. Otherwise I'd hardly see her. IMO he should want to spenf time with his children.

Strongmum72 · 29/12/2013 10:01

Ohhhhhhhh selfish men eh! He was probably grumpy at having to get up for work after the holidays, and they always think we're staying at home with our feet up watching Jeremy Kyle drinking tea. The in law thing has just made you worse because it was a very selfless thing to do, can't be much fun if they don't like you. Why don't they like you by the way? With that and a cold, lack of sleep selfish partner you need to vent and that's what we're here for so vent away x

mammadiggingdeep · 29/12/2013 10:07

You're not being petty.

fruitpastille · 29/12/2013 10:15

If I asked dh for help he would do whatever he could to make things easier. I would do the same for him. To be honest we do our best to help each other without being asked.

Lweji · 29/12/2013 10:35

I don't think it's petty either.

I worked FT and exH was a SAHD and I still woke up early for DS. And during the night.

He could easily have woken up a couple of hours earlier to give you some rest, particularly if you are poorly.

Lweji · 29/12/2013 10:36

Next time don't ask him. Tell him you're staying put and he must sort out th dc.

hercules1 · 29/12/2013 10:39

I can't decide. It would have been a nice thing for him to do but I presume you are a sahm so have no commitments or time keeping in the same way he does. I think I would have been a little annoyed if I were him especially as first day back at work.

WhoNickedMyName · 29/12/2013 10:44

Well, I don't like to mention that I've done all the night waking for both very poor sleepers for the last 4.5 years

More fool you then. There's an (never talked about?) expectation that you'll get up with the children and you've both gone along with that.

I'm presuming you're the SAHP and he works. However that doesn't mean he gets out of doing all of the nighttime/early morning stuff.

Stop being a martyr and have a talk with him when he gets home tonight about him taking a turn at getting up in the night and you both taking a turn at having a sleep in at the weekends. That'd be a good start.

Original poster
Judyandherdreamofhorses · 29/12/2013 16:42

I'm not a stay at home parent. It's Sunday.

Well, inconclusive then. Oh well, can't be bothered with it all.

OP posts:
Lweji · 29/12/2013 16:46

How is it inconclusive? Only one pp said you might not be petty.

If you can't be bothered, then keep waking up in the night and in the early hours, while he always gets to sleep and feel that he'd be doing you a favour for taking care of his children for a bit to give you some rest.

You fully expected to be told you were petty, didn't you?
Why don't you want to raise this subject with him?

NachoAddict · 29/12/2013 16:47

I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. He should have gotten up and he could have had breakfast with the dc an just woke you up at 7.45 while he had his shower, if you are poorly you need a rest.

However dp does similar and it really gets on my nerves. If we have to leave the house at the same time, i get up in time to get myself and all of the children ready and he springs out of bed with time to wash, dress and hop in the car. Selfish and we disagree about it often.

Lweji · 29/12/2013 16:47

Only one pp said you might be petty, rather. Blush

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