why is his phone on silent?

[moominleigh94]

I need to speak to my boyfriend I just need support and comfort because I'm so stressed over the money issues he's causing on top of everything else, I love him to bits but he needs to see what he's doing, I know it's late but I'm trying to text him and his fucking phone is on silent again. I know he's probably asleep but I'm 23 weeks pregnant, what would I do if there was a problem with the baby, how would I get in touch with him, I've told him about it so many times but he never listens. he doesn't seem to get stressed about money and he doesn't seem to understand, he's so good in some ways and in others I feel so alone, I can't do this on my own but I can't carry on like this either. sorry for posting here, I'm in bits and need to vent and release it all. he's been staying with his family over Christmas, I know his phone is on he just isnt hearing it. feels like he can switch off from this pregnancy and all the worries and I can't, I'm scared he's going to leave me because he might think I'm being controlling and I know I maybe am but this is so difficult and scary and I feel like I'm doing it alone and I can't

You don't sound awful Moomin - needy yes but what I can't work out is whether you are needy generally, it is just pregnancy or he is affecting you and making you behave that way. Putting your phone on silent while talking to a friend is just polite and I have no sense of how often you are calling him. Would a guess of "quite frequently" be far off the mark? Either way you need to gather some thoughts and talk to him if you need a little extra support from him at the moment that is not unreasonable (except perhaps at 1 am) and how he reacts may tell you a lot about whether you should be with him.

I think Sara is right, though.

It seems to me that your spider senses are telling you something and that's why you need reassurance.
But if you start from a position of distrust, should you be with this man? Should you be with someone that you don't feel confident will be there for you and your child?

he's just text me to say he's coming over. I've said I don't want to talk to him in the house it isn't fair on my family, but I'll come out and talk to him in the car. do I tell him about all of this what I've said on here?

I think it is natural to need a bit more support when you ar pregnant, especially when you are so young and it was unplanned.

It is worrying that you can't get in touch with him when not with him and that his behaviour has changed recently. I think you do need to have a chat with him but perhaps start with how he feels things are going.

You said he's staying with family - could they have asked him to put his phone on silent overnight? Especially as it sounds like a busy phone. I ask my dc to turn their phones to silent (as I go to bed) when they're home from uni as I'm a very light sleeper.

Do you have someone at home you can talk to? It may be helpful to have someone who knows you both to get there perspective on whether he is pulling away from you or if he is the same as alwAys but reacting poorly to your increased need of support.

in noon emergencies I text him - calls are very rare and I never call just to chat unless we're apart and have arranged it in advance. he's got his text tone on silent which is fine, so have I, but he's been told by his lecturers he can have his phone at least on vibrate in class in case something happens to me, but it is always on silent, always.

I hate how I've become I used to be so different to these other girls and then lately I feel like I've become just like them. I used to either sort my own shit out if it was late at night or I could get by with just a little bit of encouragement from family and friends, now I feel completely reliant on people, mainly him

I have my mum at home, she was an amazing support last night but I don't know if she's biased towards me, I think she obviously would be.

apparently he forgot to put the sound on. his parents are very easygoing and have never requested it when I've stayed there before

What does your mum think about it?

I think you're feeling insecure and vulnerable.

These other girls aren't helping. I think he's got responsibilities now and doesn't really have the time to be 'helping' out with other people's problems. He has stuff he needs to sort out for you and him.

What does your mum make of the situation? Does she think he's pulling his weight?

Often, we strong independent women, get by with these men because we are doing our own thing and don't really need them. It's when we become vulnerable and somewhat dependent, such as when pregnant, that we notice their true colours.

I think your bf is showing his here.

I'd thread carefully in terms of getting a place together (if you are not living together already) and joint accounts, at least until you feel you can really trust him.

Leweji is spot on

Yes, lweji is right. The problem is that it doesn't matter how strong and independent you are, sometimes we ALL need support and I think that pregnancy is most definitely one of those times. That's normal and of course you should be able to rely on your partner for support at this time especially considering you are carrying HIS baby!

He's showing you what he is like when you need him - I would be wary. Having a child does put you in a vulnerable position compared to before when you may have been working or studying, at least able to

Posted too soon.

Able to go out and do stuff without having to worry about a baby, spend money without having any real responsibilities to provide for. It's a fact that you ARE vulnerable when you have a child and although it is of course possible to do it alone, you need all of the support you can get. Your mum sounds great and like she knows and appreciates this, it's not about being biased towards you, it's about caring, which it sounds to me like your boyfriend is making a pretty poor show of.

I have to disagree with the others, I think if you KNOW he's likely to have his phone on and you KNOW that he's often up giving support to other people at that time then it's perfectly reasonable to expect that he would give that support to you. You can and should expect to be a higher priority than some random other girls who he knows. If he isn't going to make you that top priority, then you need to look for that support from other places. You need people around you that you can rely on, not people who are going to let you down and be flaky.

I don't know what phone he has, but iPhones have a "do not disturb" function where you can silence all calls/texts except those from selected contacts. Other phones might have something similar.

I had a really long talk with him and think he's got the picture. he knows that the phone call was the tip of the iceberg. he's made lots of promises, it's just a case now of waiting to see if he keeps them. he seems pretty serious about it and I think he knew he'd been spending recklessly. think it's just a wait and see job here, but in the meantime I need to put together my plan b, just in case he doesn't come through, and then I need to work out what being a single mum would mean for me.

What you need to keep in mind is that he's likely to be on best behaviour for a while, but then revert to form. So, be alert and keep your boundaries.
Another thing is that, although being a single mum might feel scary, having another bigchild at home or an absent or an unsupportive partner is much worse.

Fingers crossed for the best.

Always have a plan b.
And don't stop studying or working. Something tells me that you'll need it with this man.

Again- I agree.
Do not give up a chance of a career with this guy. Always make sure you can support yourself.