Need to vent - FIL

[Kandypane]

Posted a while back about Xmas and FIL. We said we weren't doing presents this year (other than kids), due to money being tight. FIL at the time said what a great idea, all gets out of hand etc etc.

Few weeks later he is calling us stingy, so on the advice of MN, we bought everyone a small gift and made everyone some biscuits.

FIL had promised my OH a golf club for his birthday which was before Xmas. It didn't materialise and then FIL said he could have it at Xmas. We had told everyone not to get us gifts as it would make us feel bad but he said he wanted to get it.

Again it never materialised. So OH asks about it and gets a barrage of abuse including "when you said you weren't doing presents I thought "sod you"" and "go back to being a girl and make biscuits" etc etc. (he gratefully stuffed his face with these biscuits).

Thing is he has form for this sort of thing: both promising things that never happen (he promised to pay for OH to go to New York when he was 21- never happened) as well as being a funny bastard. I knew something was brewing because he has been acting a bit arsey for weeks.

FIL and OH are now not speaking. I am fuming at FIL. I feel like we can't win. How do I go about handling this situation?

Keep out of it personally and support your husband. If you get in the way, you will regret it, leave them to sort it out as this clearly goes back to his childhood.

nowt to do with you and neither will thank you for being involved

support your dh

I guess my first response is - learn from this, you can't trust a word he says, nor can you trust him to be pleasant and civil - so, barriers up, don't ask for his approval/opinion of anything (he's too fickle and unreliable to take into account) and prioritise you and DHs needs and wishes over his, At All Times. By his behaviour he has lost the right/privilege of having any priority in your lives. Not nice - especially for DH, who doubtless hoped for more from his dad.

Thank you for wise words. I know I shouldn't get involved. Thing is he acts arsey with me too. I'm also getting pretty fed up with having to deal with this nonsense, and having to walk on eggshells round him.

Don't pay any attention to him. Don't expect anything from him, however much he promises. And stick by your guns (again, paying no attention to him).

And yes, support your husband. It's got to be awful, having a father like this.

I have an arsey fil. I let him know his actions are not tolerated at all. You let it happen once the twice...he assumes you are a doormat.

Be just, be kind but don't be a door matt.

And obviously don't rely or pay any attention to your fil promises.