Well it's finally happened he's gone and I feel like shit :(

[ANGELMOTHER]

It's been a long time coming, but we've seperated on a temporary basis. I'm now left with a 4yr old and a 5mth old dd's and don't really know what to do with myself. Everything seems so empty and the days soooo long. I go from strong, hating him for all the hurt he's caused to miserable wanting to just sit in a corner and cry. I hate the fact that as I have the kids (although I wouldn't have it any other way) I have to keep smiling just for them and he is free to feel up or down at ease.
His job has taken him away to foreign lands and although he says he will be back as oft as possible to see the kids (he is a good and loving dad) I'm left with little support. I have one good enough friend who's a single Mum too, a good neighbour and sil/bil (his family) a 20 min drive away but can't get over how alone I feel.
He says he wants to work things out and I do believe him, problem is we still love eachother deeply and have trust and loyalty in abundance but respect and affection went out the door long time ago.
I know I have to stay strong and stick to my guns as truth is I'm the one who's pushed this seperation as there are major issues I can't and won't put up with anymore. We've been plastering over the cracks for too long and we both know we couldn't have continued the way we were for much longer but the future seems so abysmally bleak.
I know I have to put all my energy into myself and the girls and that over time I will learn to enjoy the days rather than endure them but how do I get from here to there ?
I've read so many threads on this subject and admired the stoicness (sp?) of those concerned but now I'm at this point I'm lost

I'm sure you'll get wise advice from other MNers who have been through this but just wanted to send you huge hugs and admire how strong you are being to sort this out. You WILL be happier in the long run for tackling it, however things work out.

Oh Angelmother - ((hug)) I'm sorry you're in such a bleak place at the moment. I'm sure you'll get fantastic support here - and things will start to improve now. xxx

Oh, Angelmother, hugs from me too, I had no idea things were not good for you - no advice, I'm hopeless in these situations. Hope you can work things out...? XXX

Just wanted to send you some hugs, others will be able to give you some realy good advice - tbh I'm in a similar situation so I shall be reading very closely.

(((( HUGS ))))

Hugs from me too angelmother, I've been there too and it's bloody hard. Feel free to email through contact another talker if you want to rant anytime XXX

Im sorry I have no helpful advice but just wanted to send you lots of (((((hugs))))).

x

(((hugs)))

((((more hugs))))))))
Still no advice yet, sorry. I hope someone comes up with some soon. Is there anyone near you who is going throught the same things right now?

Message withdrawn

Lean on the 'good enough' single mother friend. She has presumably been there, and so will understand where you are coming from and that you need support. Swallow any pride / inhibitions / or misgivings that you might be imposing upon her, and give her a ring and ask to see her....then talk, talk, talk

Thinking of you.....

Just wanted to say thinking of you. You are very brave for even getting this far......

Thanks for the support guys I need all I can get at the moment. I feel good today just the one wobbly moment, it always seems to be when I come home to an empty house. Dd1 seems to be holding up well but is taking notice of things such as her best friends Dad doesn't live with her etc. She's my main concern in all of this apart from my own sanity that is. She's only just 4 and I pray whatever comes out of this won't effect her too much.
Tomorrow is going to be a good day seems to be my mantra most nights. Weekdays are easy to handle enough, she has school, swimming, ballet etc but this weekend will be the first just us and these are the days I dread.

Anagelmother, I, unfortunately, am in the same position - my dd1 is four as well. If you ever want to chat let me know. W/ends are quite awful - get support from friends etc. Hope you can work it out.

I'm so very sorry angelmother. Hang on in there, I know things feel desperately bleak at the moment but that feeling will pass in time and you will be happy again. Try to schedule things into your days so there aren't any days where you can mope around the house, and always make an effort in the mornings with your appearance - sounds daft I know, but if you make the effort, you do feel better
I'm sure someone will have better advice than me but in the meantime, lots of cyber hugs and keep posting
Lisa
xxxx

Angelmother, do call your friends even if they are married/with partners etc. I have a single mother friend who never calls at weekends, and I feel as if I'm being patronising calling her all the time and also maybe she doesn't want to see me, of course. Please don't think of it as a great divide.

In a similar position myself. Some-one told me the bad days never get any less bad - you still sink to the same bottom - but each time you come up just a little more quickly. You must must keep busy - have you got family of your own you can lean on? Remember - your kids will be fine - but only if you are. If you continue feeling lonely - could you consider working a few days a week. Looking after such young children on your own can be so boring - maybe a bit of work could help restore your sanity and give you a bit of a life of your own. 5 mths is young for childcare - but not too young if it's what you need. Just an idea.