Drink

[littlewind]

My husband drinks a lot, well I think it's a lot. But wanted to ask people what they thought? On Christmas Day he drank 3/4 bottle of whiskey 3/4 bottle of port and a few glasses of sparkling wine. Not sure if he had any more secretly. I know it's Christmas but he always seems to be drinking. Even if it's a few cans of very strong cider in the week. Then about four or five at the weekend. But think he might have some secretly as well. He bought himself £55 of drink for Christmas. Has he got a problem?

Yes, that's way too much. He has a problem

I like a drink (or five) but that's excessive! Even for Christmas.

I think that is a lot. What does he say about it? Does it change his personality?

My OH drinks every night - at least 2 pints lager and a bottle wine - every single night and has done for 40 years. He reckons he does not have a problem as he doesn't drink til 6pm - I don't think people with a drink issue only drink during the day - being a habitual evening big drinker is surely a problem too. Very difficult. Any emergencies and of course he cannot drive. I worry about his health - even though he appears ok I worry about cancer, strokes, diabetes etc as well as sex quality and quantity - neither ideal really.

Brunette, if your husband's driving in the early morning, he'd be over the limit, wouldn't he?

Cripes, I love a tipple but that is VERY excessive, whiskey is strong as is port! Yes, he has a problem

He is my boyfriend and we do not co-habit - I read on here that one unit takes 1 hour to leave the body. I do wonder about that yes. I am not sure if he would be over the limit given his weight and food intake in the evening. Very difficult.

If I drank that much I'd be paralytic and then hung over for about three days. YMMV. How does he behave though - does he sit there and fall asleep, use the wardrobe as a toilet and pass out in the garden, or become a violent abusive arse?

Yes, if it was just Christmas then id let it go everyone goes a bit mad at christmas but it sounds like this is something that may escalate so needs nipping in the bud asap

People may go mad at Xmas - but not that mad I think. He has a problem.

I'm a bloke, who has drunk a lot in the past. I had a pretty high alcohol tolerance in my twenties (before kids), and wasn't averse to spirits, wine, port, etc. when the mood took me.

But, 3/4 of a bottle of whiskey would have had me on my knees. I would at the very least have been visibly drunk. Add 3/4 of a bottle of port to that, and I would have been paralytic, if not heading to hospital.

Were these drinks consumed over 12 hours, or in a more concentrated "session"?

Either way - that's too much IMO. If he was still lucid on Christmas day, then he has an immense tolerance to alcohol, which has been built up at great cost to his health and your family finances.

Ask him to do a month without booze. It's scarey how many struggle to do it. If he can't (or won't), then you have your answer.

For one day that is far too much. But for goodness sake don't confront him with this page and expect him to change is behaviour - you are most likely to have a row and see his drinking increase still more.

Something in his life is troubling him hugely, and it is likely to be something personal. Is he losing respect from your children, or from you? Does he have a problem keeping his job at work?

If you mean it then you must tell him that you will love him no matter what: if he loses his job, if he goes to prison, anything.

If you don't mean it then that is most likely the problem, and you should tell him so and set him free.

After drinking it on Christmas Day he just seemed a bit tipsy! When I confront him about it he just say's he hasn't got a problem. But then I think he just drinks secretly.
He's always been a drinker, but I've never really noticed it until I got pregnant last year. He told me he would stop drinking when little one came. But my DS is now 10 months old and he hasn't stopped.
Most nights he has a drink then falls asleep in the chair.

If he is secretly drinking, then that's a massive red flag for alcoholism. My own knowledge of alcoholism comes from my mum. She never admitted she had a drink problem, for the whole 30 years she had it. Even when she was going missing, and appearing in hospital with broken bones, there was always a "reason" other than booze.

I disagree vehemently with Borodin's post. In fact, it's dangerous rubbish. Your own love or actions have had nothing to do with your husband's drinking. The three "C's" of alcoholism: You didn't Cause it. You can't Cure it. You can't Control it.

I suggest you speak to al-anon. They will be able to give you some more practical advice about your husband's drinking. Try giving their helpline a call:

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/about
www.al-anonuk.org.uk/about/is-al-anon-for-you.html

There are lots of threads on Mumsnet about problem drinking/alcoholism. Give them a read through, and you should find plenty of information. They will hopefully reinforce to you that you have not been the cause of this.

Speaking as someone who had a very high dependency on alcohol (borderline alcoholic) who drank daily, and in great quantities - yes, that is a huge amount.

Alcohol has a vicious hold on people, and with the right "rules" that are placed ("I only drink after 6pm" or "I don't drink on a Monday") it can appear that the "issue" is in hand. It's not. Alcoholism is an addiction and because it is legal to buy and consume alcohol, it is very easy to be lulled into the belief that it's controllable.

Alcoholism or dependency on alcohol can happen for so many reasons and I'm not here to speculate on how, why, where and when. Those can be addressed in due time -the first and most important step is getting your husband to accept or admit that he drinks a lot - probably too much. He may be an alcoholic - he may not; it depends entirely on how he sees it.

It's a bloody hard journey. My dependency stopped when I was placed on tablets that made it impossible to drink like I did, and six months later I barely drank at all. I still have the occasional drink; I never had counselling or therapy for it and I simply do not find alcohol remotely interesting that much anymore. I was fortunate in that I tapered off gradually so didn't have withdrawal symptoms, but if you husband does seek help for excessive drinking, there is every likelihood that it will be painful - both physically and mentally.

The greatest thing you can do is not to accuse or assume, but just simply stand strong with your husband in battling alcohol together.