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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ex lost it

28 replies

bossmum41 · 28/12/2013 07:14

my ex has started to just call at the house whenever he wants making me look bad in front of the children if I don't let him in.
he has always been very mean with words.
The other week I lost my dad I had to leave the him with the children, i sat with my dad for 3 days and nights till he passed I rang him to tell him my dad had gone he said,you need to get back to your kids now its selfish to leave them so long.
my mum came back to stay with me and collapsed I rang an ambulance he was due to bring kids back i told him to keep the children a bit longer so they didn't get upset,he called me an idiot for ringing them and selfish as kids gone through enough told me to send ambulance away.
Christmas day he turned up at 9am to see kids even though I said 11am took kids to grandparents to open presents ( they live a few doors away) he told the kids they cant bring their gifts back to the house but eldest snuck his phone back,an hour later ex found out and came round banging on door I asked him to go he kept banging scaring children I opened the door a crack to ask him to go he pushed it open and started shouting and screaming my youngest was so scared he went to go up stairs to get the phone I went in front to stop him and he started hitting me around the head, my mum said she was ringing police kids begged her not to , his dad walked in at this moment and took him home but not before he said to my mum you didn't see anything .
ive reported him to police.
he turned up on boxing day his day and kids wouldn't go with him.
he turned up yesterday his weekend but again kids were apprehensive so he said he wouldn't just take them to his auntie for an hour. he hasn't brought the children back he text to say he was taking them away for weekend ,they don't even have coats!
because its his weekend he can go away with them.
can I do something to stop him having them for weekends? or overnight? im worried about his state of mind.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 28/12/2013 07:20

Ring the police immediately on the non-emergency line and tell them what you've written here.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 28/12/2013 07:21

I have they say its his weekend and he can take them away but if not back on sunday at 5pm the time they should be back then they can do something.

OP posts:
Strawberrykisses · 28/12/2013 07:23

Fucking hell, call the police, explain about what happened, the kids not wanting to go etc and see what they say. How old are DC? Is his name on the birth certificates? If not I think he doesn't have parental responsibility and so can't take them without your permission but I don't know about how it works if he is on the birth certificate.
When you call police really stress how violent he was to you in front of the kids. Really make or clear how unstable he is ATM and how worried you are. And when the kids are back I really don't think contact should continue. He was abusive to them by allowing them to see that behaviour. They were scared to go with him. They need to be protected.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 28/12/2013 07:27

yes names on birth certificate . 6 and 8 years old. court order states he can take them away on his weekend without my permission as long as its in England.

OP posts:
17leftfeet · 28/12/2013 07:32

Court order doesn't say he can beat you up though

I would seriously ring social services -do you have any idea where he is?

Strawberrykisses · 28/12/2013 07:35

Then you need to go back to court. They were scared. They didn't want to go. He terrorised your son for taking home his Christmas gift. He physically assaulted you in front of the kids. He lied about his intentions when he took the kids. He cannot be trusted, your kids deserve better than this from him.
In the meantime, can you call him to speak to the kids to make sure they are ok? When they get back don't let him past the door. If he's verbally or physically abusive to you then ring the police immediately, and ring them every time he does something aggressive. Let there be a record of the pattern of his behaviour, you can use it to get a restraining order and as evidence if you go back to court to stop contact. Make sure when you report anything that you tell the police of the children were present and if they were scared etc.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 28/12/2013 07:38

police are dealing with assult.
I have a few places he may be as he has friends dotted about. I asked his parents they wont tell me .
I might get in touch with cafcass again as they helped me a lot when he went for custody of the kids.
I don't want the children to stop seeing him but I don't want him to take them away.

OP posts:
DziezkoDisco · 28/12/2013 07:40

Do what strawberry suggested but also Ring womens Aid, they have great advice.
Poor you and kids how frightening.

whydidthishappen · 28/12/2013 07:43

Tell the cops you think his parents know where he is.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 28/12/2013 07:44

I have tried ringing he doesn't answer ive text he said they are ok.

why when you go through divorce and start to get on with your life does your ex just want to come and spoil things ?
im exhausted by him and still have to go through financial settlement I just want to get on with my life he still wants the control over it though and they only way I can escape or try to escape is by moving away.

OP posts:
whydidthishappen · 28/12/2013 07:44

He is wanted for questioning in the assault of the kids mother afterall.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 28/12/2013 07:46

oh I don't think they know I know they know.
since the divorce his parents have turned their back on me and are just as bad as him. I will ring police again today x

OP posts:
Strawberrykisses · 28/12/2013 07:48

I would want to stop contact but if you don't then that's up to you, but in sure you can go back to court to stop overnights. Call caffcas, women's aid, etc and get advice.

whydidthishappen · 28/12/2013 07:48

Keep on at the cops. It is the most direct route.

whydidthishappen · 28/12/2013 22:12

Amy update OP?

Original poster
bossmum41 · 29/12/2013 16:58

police waiting for him to come back to question him. he has ten minutes left to bring the children back, he has to have them back at 5pm on sunday if he isn't im ringing police again. ive text and rang all weekend asking to speak to the kids he wont answer. been onto solicitor to see what can be done but they are closed till 2nd.

OP posts:
Original poster
bossmum41 · 29/12/2013 18:02

hes an hour late says he is stuck in traffic at my wits end

OP posts:
Mmmbacon · 29/12/2013 18:12

Are police waiting to talk to him?, t would help any case of neglect of police see the state if children on their return, are they upset, tired, scared, do they have coats on, are they cold etc,

storytopper · 29/12/2013 18:13

One hour traffic jam on a Sunday?

Noctilucent · 29/12/2013 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 29/12/2013 19:08

he came back with them showered !!!!!!! their hair wet!!!
he had took them back to his for a shower as my oldest said they stunk!!!
that's why he was late not in traffic!!!
the kids had no coats as I didn't give them the kids said they were in a park cold and they were in same clothes for 3 days! the kids look shattered

OP posts:
Noctilucent · 29/12/2013 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 29/12/2013 19:12

it is plus my mum is here as a witness. police coming back tomorrow x

OP posts:
Original poster
bossmum41 · 29/12/2013 20:59

he just text me to say he is reporting me for harassment as i text him his mum and the friend he was with to ask about my kids !!!!!!!!! what is this man on?

OP posts:
pertempsnooo · 29/12/2013 21:03

hmm yes, funny how abusive men like to turn around these things. I have sadly experienced similar. Women's Aid ASAP, they're amazing.