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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If your DP started a thread on MN about you...

81 replies

rpitchfo · 27/12/2013 21:51

This section spends a lot of the time analyzing in varying degrees of detail the actions and motives of DPs.

Time for a little bit of introspection.

If your DP started a thread in MN relationships about you what would it look like?

OP posts:

Pan · 28/12/2013 13:56

They aren't things I'm proud of garlic.

lovemenot · 28/12/2013 14:13

Mine would probably say - "My dw is a fucking bitch. When she asks me a question that I don't want to answer, I call her a fucking bitch. Why would I apologise for telling the truth. She's also a selfish fucking bitch who says she is not happy. She even moved into the spare room. Not sure why, didn't bother asking her. In fact, I don't ask her anything. So I've no idea how she feels. She only has what she has coz she spread her legs for it, but she won't spread them anymore. Told ya she was a bitch".

PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/12/2013 14:14

As for challenging MN posters, as a man, i think i have a responsibility -imposed self importance- to address this when as i see something i disagree with.

The men that come onto Mumsnet really do other men a disservice.

Pan · 28/12/2013 14:23

well tbf Princess men don't have to 'come onto MN', any more than women 'come onto' it. It's by and for parents.
and let's look at it fairly, lots of female posters don't exactly exalt themselves, do they?

Lweji · 28/12/2013 14:35

The men that come onto Mumsnet really do other men a disservice.

I disagree, I have come across a few who seem fine. Sometimes we may not be aware they are men.
It's mostly the twats that get our attention.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/12/2013 14:37

No, you are right Pan there are some awful female posters.

However, I have noticed that there are very few male posters who aren't here with ulterior motives. I don't think the same could be said about the female posters, that's more my point.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/12/2013 14:38

Maybe it's only me that notices them then!

Anniegetyourgun · 28/12/2013 14:44

The Mumsnetting men that stick around are often excellent. The seagull type (swoop in, make a lot of noise, crap all over the place and fly off again) are not.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/12/2013 14:47

The latter type were the ones I was referring to, Annie

I've re-read my post and I should have said Most men, IME rather than just men

I'm thinking of a few threads about rape recently where the male posters have been shocking, to say the least.

Awakeagain · 28/12/2013 14:58

Dw keeps saying she's tired/ill etc etc
Doesn't she know ill always be iller or more sleepy than her

shallowkitty · 28/12/2013 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 17:53

Lovemenot are you ok ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 17:53

and shallowkitty are you safe ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 17:55

I don't have a problem with men on Mumsnet. I like the posts of some men on Mumsnet. Some of them I have a little spat with (like I have with some female posters) and then move on. Others are simply no more than swinging dicks that like to tell women how it is,a nd those are the ones that don't last too long.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 17:59

Princess I know the ones you mean, and I concur

They tend to be the minority though, as in RL, and pretty easy to spot for any woman with half a brain

If you tend to be of the manpleasing type of woman though, or one with very few brain cells you will be stupidly happy to see any man on here and make a bit of a fool of yourself

Have certainly seen that happen. There was a thread on here yesterday that took that to the Nth degree (now deleted)

Vivacia · 28/12/2013 18:04

I agree, I have seen a few posters declare themselves to be male, as though it's not occurred to them that quite a few of the regular posters are male. And not shouting about it.

I've also seen posters falling over themselves to welcome male posters.

fluffyraggies · 28/12/2013 18:16

Given enough time and/or airspace the more moronic male posters show themselves for what they are anyway.

Just like folk of either gender in RL actually.

shallowkitty · 28/12/2013 18:48

I'm fine just now. this guy popping up just annoyed me, don't know what point he was trying to make.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 28/12/2013 18:50

well, kitty, I put this particular one in my 3rd category, so I wouldn't worry too much

take care x

PrincessFlirtyPants · 28/12/2013 21:32

Thanks AF good to know I'm not losing the plot!

Maybe I spend to much time on the relationship boards as they only seem to hang out here!

DidyouseeEthel · 28/12/2013 22:02

My dp would say;
My father died a few years ago and since then my heavy drinking has become my crutch. My dp is from an Irish family with a 'Get up, Mary, and let your brother sit down' lifestyle, and as such she has been raised as a bit of a man pleaser. We (men) are Gods, really, and definitely something that made her more attractive. However she started lurking on mumsnet about a year ago and since then my life has become intolerable. She now minds that I don't lift a finger in the home, I criticise her grown up dcs, I'm drunk unless I'm at work, I humiliate her socially etc. I swear she didn't notice before joining mumsnet, could she be turning into a feminist?

Keepithidden · 28/12/2013 22:23

"I think I've settled with DH. I have previous of abusive relationships and similar childhood. I think I settled with DH because he treated me as human. I don't think I love him as a partner anymore after DCs arrived, not sure I ever did.

Our sex life is poor, he's inexperienced and we're both rubbish communicators. He withdraws when challenged and can be a bit passive aggressive.

I don't know how to regain my self and exit the situation I'm in."

Sorry folks. Bit down today.

Keepithidden · 28/12/2013 22:25

Forgot to say. Good thread. Made me think.

garlicbaubles · 28/12/2013 22:33

DidyousDP - This does look very worrying. It's so upsetting when the person you fell in love with seems to change into someone different, especially if they then try and change you into somebody else, too! Clearly, this isn't what you signed up for. You need to make sure she appreciates her rightful place in a relationship, and assert your role too. This book will remind her of her wifely role - I suggest you both read it: "Wifework" by Susan Maushart. Good luck!

Pleasefiveminutesforme · 28/12/2013 22:53

My DM may well be a manipulative bitch but poor thing had to put up with my EA DP so am I correct in thinking it's totally excusable for her to treat my DW the way she does, just as it is for me to treat her with contempt and lack of respect because that's just the way women should be treated? And is it ok to expect my DW to excuse me acting like a sulky disrespectful 14 year old when my DM is around because she is also a woman and should pander to my feelings in the very same way? Especially as my 3 year old DS needs to see how to treat his own mother and wife in time.

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