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Original poster

Sex

12 replies

Roxie88 · 27/12/2013 20:54

My husband and I hardly ever have sex. He's never in the mood and says he's too tired. We have two children aged 6 & 3 and I don't think we have done it for over a year. He hardly ever hugs me or shows me any affection but he's never been an affectionate person. Is this normal?

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 27/12/2013 22:28

I don't know if its normal - we don't have DC yet. But it would make me very unhappy. We currently have sex between 3 x a week (rare) and 3 x a month (more likely) possibly average 1 - 2 times a week. Not enough in my book. It makes me very unhappy.

DontstepontheBaubles · 27/12/2013 22:30

No it's not Sad

My ExH was like this and I found it terribly hard tbh.

Rosencrantz · 27/12/2013 22:31

Are you affectionate towards him?
How does he respond?

tawse57 · 27/12/2013 22:36

Either he is genuinely tired or there are reasons why he is avoiding sex - the latter reason could be one of numerous possible reasons.

CailinDana · 27/12/2013 23:31

It doesn't matter if it's normal or not, if you're not happy with it then it's a problem. Can you talk to him about it?

tiamariaxxx · 27/12/2013 23:35

I would struggle to be in a none effectionate relationship i need my daily dose of cuddles at least.

Sounds like you are really unhappy so you deffinately need to talk to him. Would seducing him work, make him a nice meal or take away or something and just spend some quality time together

Montane50 · 28/12/2013 01:05

Sadly i dont think this is normal, i slipped into a loveless marriage by not addressing obvious issues, we became complacent which led to downright animosity. talk to your DH but try to imagine a few years down the line and not laying a finger on each other from one year to the next, you can nip things in the bud now.

Lairyfights · 28/12/2013 01:12

I couldn't have sex for about 6 months due to health reasons, it does put a massive strain on your releationship and if you are unhappy then you have to talk about it to resolve it.

We found that still being affectionate helped, with no pressure of sex. Cuddles, kisses, foreplay. Maybe try focus on building these first before jumping straight into sex. After a long time it can be a scary thought doing it again - I thought I'd forget what to do! Even if it's just spooning before you go to sleep, or holding hands as you walk down the street or watch tv.

Chances are if you're unhappy with the situation he will be too. I hope you manage to work it out.

Dirtybadger · 28/12/2013 01:17

Has he seen a Dr about the fact he is always feeling tired? Or made any attempts to further understand or resolve this?

Original poster
Roxie88 · 28/12/2013 07:31

If I mention it, he just gives me a quick hug and says not to be silly. I booked a night away recently but he just fell asleep.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 28/12/2013 08:08

It doesn't matter what's normal, what matters is what you both want in your relationship.

Time to sit him down with the ''You know I love you more than anything but I'd like to...'

See what he has to say and make sure you get him to talk first before you start talking.

YOUCANBEMYFRIENDIFYOUBUYMECAKE · 28/12/2013 22:56

I think you need to gently point him in the direction of your GP.
He may be depressed which causes tiredness or another underlying condition anaemia or something else.
If there is nothing then maybe couples counselling would be an idea to address things.

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