DSD bed/my bed?? arrrghhh!!

[louby44]

As some of you know my DP and I are going our separate ways after 6 yrs together. He's never bonded with my 2 DS so I just can't do it anymore. He also has anger, communication and jealousy issues.

His 2 DD have been here once since August. As I have moved out of our bedroom I asked DD15 if I could have her room as my own? And then she could share with her sister when/if she stayed here. )They rarely stay here anymore). She agreed so I mentioned it to her dad that it was ok and sorted.

I arranged the room and sorted myself out a few bits out, table, lamp, clock radio. Bought myself a lovely mattress topper, nice clean bedding and I've felt like it was my own space. It's my little haven and I've slept really well since moving in there. I leave it tidy, as is my way, bed made. Happy.

I went to stay with my parents over Christmas and have returned home today with my DSs. ExDP arrived back from his parents boxing day with the DD and they spent the day and night here.

I went upstairs to discover that DD15 has slept in my/her bed. Clothes, toiletries, sweet wrappers etc etc all over the floor. When I pulled the bed back there was chocolate all in the bed. I was livid.

I know it's her bedroom but this is MY home. I challenged exDP and he basically couldn't care less. Says 'tough, it's her room'. I was so cross. He has our room and en suite.

I wouldn't have minded if she'd used her own bedding which was in her sisters room. I just feel I have nowhere to call my own. She only used to stay here 4 nights a month as it is!!

I am SO cross!

Why are you still living together? Does he own the house?

Louby this is what life is like with a FuckWit. You made this your space and he is punishing you by encouraging her to disrespect you. You will have to get tough. First and most obviously you will have to make a plan to move out. Meanwhile you may need to put a lock on the room, or remove your bedding if you are away. He won't approve or help you because he is not a reasonable person. Lower your expectations and stop expecting it.

Sorry you are so cross. Can you do something nice to distract yourself?

Both stuck here until we sell, neither of us can afford to move out.

Jointly owned (but I have £100k he can't touch - thank God). He will come out with about £5!

I've realised I have to stop thinking he's going to be decent, pleasant even nice. It isn't going to happen!

Then the stupid man comes in and asks me if I have recorded some programmes on the sky box in the lounge because if not he's got it recorded in his room and I can watch it in there!!! WTF. Why does he give a shit about my TV viewing - weird man!

Am drinking Bacardi and eating chocolate. Bought myself a new duvet and changed all the bedding.

Feel sorry for DSD but her dad is an arse!

Will he swap with you, so he has to deal with sharing with his own DD?

If not, I agree remove your bedding. She probably won't be bothered to put her own sheets on.

You are playing a longer game though, so don't let these little things make life more intolerable than it needs to be.

To be honest, that just sounds like typical selfish teen behaviour. Certainly annoying, but not the end of the world.
The fact that it has upset so much is more related to your "haven" comment. You must be under a lot if stress, sharing. And it's the kind of stress you don't realise how bad it is until it ends. I did 4 months into old house whilst my purchase went through. It really was like a weight lifting, though prior to that I'd thought it was OK.

You have £100K in the house? You can afford to move out turn, surely? Time to force a sale. It will grind you down still living with him. You have my sympathies - it really is awful.

The house went on the market as of yesterday. The £100k is tied up in the house so until we sell we are stuck living this nightmare. He even told me it was £96k not £100k that was ringfenced, soon set him straight with the solicitors paperwork!

He put a £1000 deposit down to buy this house, but my equity allowed us to buy it in the first place.

There will be very little money for him when we sell, he hates that!

So the house is technically yours ? Then you TELL him that is your bedroom and not to be used. You could of insisted on the en-suite room

If he has so little equity is there no way you can buy him out....move him out and then sell??