I need some advice

[Snapperz]

My mother is in her mid fifties and is increasingly isolated. She does have friends but they're mostly married (she is single) and she doesn't have any hobbies, or want any.

Basically, she wants me to spend a lot of my free time with her. We live 3 hours apart and her house is not near any of my friends' so it's an effort to get there. I already see her for a week at Christmas, a weekend approximately every two months and a week's holiday in the summer, but she now wants another eight days next summer too. This would be three weeks out of the five I get as annual leave and I actually want to holiday with friends or take time off alone too... I work very hard and have a lot of friends I want to see, as well as time-consuming hobbies I want to do. What can I say that is tactful and how can I encourage her to make friends? I have suggested she takes up various activities and tries internet dating but she's not particularly interested.

She does drive and sometimes comes to visit me. To be honest I find this quite stressful as she wants to stay at mine and I share with friends; also she's a heavy drinker and I can't (and don't want to) keep up.

Well, I don't know if this helps, but I'm single, I will soon be in my mid 50s, and I have no expectation at all that I will be relying/depending upon/expecting my grown up DCs to provide company for me. If you've tried suggesting ways she can fill her time, and she's 'not interested', then being alone is a choice she's making - it's not up to you to try and plug the gaps. What can you say that's tactful? 'Sorry mum, I can't make it then' - offer just what you can without feeling resentful , and remember it's her choices that have put her where she is.

Should probably point out I have no siblings and neither does she.

Thanks Walkacross, it does a bit. But if I say I can't make that time she'll ask when I can commit to, or if I say I can't afford it, she'll offer to pay (though it'd still cost me hundreds that I don't have).

Also without outing myself too much, I am usually in training for a sport so a week of heavy drinking and eating abroad with no practice messes up my schedule and I have a large pet that it's hard/expensive to get someone to care for.

The only way I can see that I can stop her asking is just to say 'I don't want to' and that'll hurt her feelings.