Need some quick advice please, think ex is having a breakdown?

[ilovewelshrarebit]

Name changed for this but I'm a regular poster.

My ex has treated our DD (6) quite badly since he's been with the OW. He consistently let her down, arriving late, not at all and telling huge lies to me and his family.

He told some corkers and he also treated OW badly and she dumped him. He then improved greatly with contact with DD and things seemed much better.

He told me he was back in contact with OW and things have slipped since then. Its not her causing it its him, he is obsessed with her and drops anyone and everything to be with her. He tells awful lies about why he can't come to see DD or see his family and yesterday's incident has, I think finally tipped him over the edge.

He was due to go to his family yesterday to meet with his two sons (16 & 21) for a family day. They were all sitting waiting for him and he didn't show, turns out he had spent the day with OW. His son's and parents are distraught and have told him a few home truths, this in turn has now given him the hump and he's taking it on me and DD.

My DD was due to go to stay with her dad for a week today. He now reckons he has car trouble and can't collect her. His dad has told me he has not intention of coming to get her, or in fact seeing her and when confronted with his behaviour can't see he's doing anything wrong.

I'm driving half way tomorrow (100 miles) to now take DD to his parents as they are desperate to see her. I'm happy with this as they are great GP's and she is safe and well looked after. They have also told me about an issue they have with her going with his flat as OW has a large, very aggressive dog, who snarled at them when they last visited and wouldn't let them sit on the settee. They have asked him to keep the dog away from DD but again he thinks the dog is fine.

All afternoon he has been sending abusive text messages blaming me, saying kids are better off without him and he will be bringing DD back earlier than agreed date and if 'I'm not fucking in he'll leave her on doorstep'. He's also said he's going to cut contact and never see her again, and I should be happy as I've always wanted this.

I've done everything I can to keep them in contact, never stopped him or made it difficult for her to see him so this is a cruel thing to say.

Because of his state of mind and the concerns with the dog I've told him he's not to take DD back to his place and he's not happy. I really think he's lost the plot and doesn't know where he is with all the lies he tells.

So, can I insist he doesn't take her back to his place and she stays at GP's. He lives a two hour drive away from them, so not like they can just call in to check on her.

I've asked him to go to see his GP and he said there's nothing wrong with him, but his parents think he is ill as well.

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

It doesn't sound like your DD is safe with him. Can you collect her or will she be staying at the GPs?

She hasn't gone yet, I'm meeting his parents half way tomorrow. They are lovely people and she is staying with them and will be safe.

But I'm expecting him to go to their place and see DD, so I'm worried he will go off with her and take her to his flat which is a two hour drive away.

I also don't want to put the GP's in an awkward situation by them insisting he can't take her away?

I would make it very clear you will take dd to see gp but her dad is not to take her anywhere else, if he does you will go and fetch her. So sad for your dd. :(

He did this once before, collected her, drove her 200 miles to his parents and then called me to go and collect her as she was crying for me and he'd had enough!

He got in his car and just left her there distraught with his parents. I had to get the next day off work and drive to get her, it was awful.

I would not let her go at all. She is your daughter and you must do everything to protect her. If he takes her from his parents to his flat and she is mauled by the dog you would blame yourself. Explain how you feel to grandparents.

It doesn't sound like he intends to bother going to his parents, although he might do it now, just to spite you about the dog.

I would talk to his parents - I would doubt they want to be put in a position where they're expected to prevent their son from taking his daughter from their house. It might be better to meet in the middle and have a night there all four of you, returning to yours the day after.

Is this dog permanently at his flat then? Even if it weren't but there was a chance it would be there when DD was there then under no circumstances must she go there. Children die from dog attacks and if ex can't see a problem with the dog then that's extremely worrying.

I think the GPs would rather be put in an awkward situation than have their grand-child mauled by a dog. Talk to them about your fears and see what they can offer.

Just to add that if there is even a question mark over her physical safety (large aggressive dog) then, Yes, you damn well can insist your ex doesn't take her and she has to stay at GPs.