Sadness about relationship with 'D'F

[SunshineOnACrappyDay]

I've just been on FB (yes, I know it's the work of the devil). Dad has posted a lot of pictures of his day with his wife, her children and their spouses and children.

Dad and I have had a difficult relationship for years. He rarely calls, and I've stopped calling him. FB is the only way I have, in the main, of knowing about his life. He calls my sister more often (she is his favourite) but even then he is hardly dad of the year.

My parents split over 30 years ago. I've just realised that, since then, we have only spent one Christmas together. Not because of my mum, but because he couldn't be bothered. My abiding memory of that day is me and DSis being shouted out because we woke up early to open our stocking presents.

I'm feeling very sad today. I know from experience that he doesn't 'do' feelings: even as a teen, if I was upset I was told I was 'hysterical'. So it's no use talking to him. I've been invited round his house once, after my grandmother's funeral. And that's it.

TL:DR. I'm feeling a bit shit today because my father is a shit father. Can anyone else relate?

Hi Sunshine. Can totally relate to what you are saying. I have a similar relationship with mine. Won't go into too much detail as it is worthy of its own thread and don't want to hijack. Christmas is hard as you are naturally looking back at your own childhood. I always find it is a very emotional time of year anyway. It is also v upsetting to know that there is very little point trying to talk about any of it. Do you have any DCs?

Hi Huffpuff. No DCs: DSis has DCs which I think is one of the reasons he calls my DSis and not me. It's the first time in years that Xmas has upset me like this, I think because he only joined FB this year and now his life is 'in my face', so to speak. There's a huge and tedious backstory, but I've never felt that he loved me, apart from when I was a tiny child. Back when I was compliant, and didn't demand too much of him. And didn't have my own opinions.

I'm going to block his FB posts, which I think will stop me dwelling so much on the situation.

I'm sorry you're going through this too.

Things for me have changed since having DCs, which is why I asked about it. I have challenged him about a number of things which has made the relationship very strained, however I feel much better about myself having done that. It was as though I had to be a truer representation of me for my DCs sakes IYSWIM, and so I couldn't carry on being compliant - for me the compliant child you mention had continued into adulthood.

Facebook is a great thing, but can be very upsetting when you feel like this. Blocking his posts is a good idea.

Block his posts. I was just thinking about this tonight myself. I am NC with half my family and it is hard not to imagine there's some great big love-fest going on that I'm just not invited to. FB can really exaggerate those feelings.