All about her

[JustAnotherChristmasBauble]

My mother is driving me mental.
Back story, toxic family, neglect, FOG, grr.

Today is my only day off until new year. I worked Christmas Eve and yesterday. My job is a responsible desk job where you really do have to get things right so takes a lot of concentration etc.
My mother works in a really laid back book shop and has been doing more hours over Christmas (so she's been doing 20ish hours per week for a few weeks).

Apparently I have no right to be tired and I should go to the sales with her today. I really want to sit and do nothing within reason. Do some washing etc but mainly lounge about. Apparently I'm being very unreasonable.

She's phoned twice this morning and ended the conversation that she's bored of me so she'll talk to me later.

Any ideas how to:
A) do what I want?
B) grow a back bone?

(Rather long and a rant... Sorry!)

Don't answer the phone. Pull the plug out of the wall if it's a house phone, or switch it off if it's a mobile.
Do what you want - you are under zero obligation to do what she wants and you know it. But since you are in FOG, then stop the communication - that way she can't badger you.
Oh and lock the front door in case she comes round.

She just makes me feel like the worst daughter ever. But I know if I go round I'll be doing odd jobs and the shopping for crap we don't need and she'll be persuading me to buy stuff I don't want and can't really afford.

I think the biggest problem is we spent Christmas Day there so she has her hold firmly back.

May just decide the wind has knocked the phone out and deep condition my hair...

But I still feel unreasonable

FOG has got you good and proper, hasn't it.

Here's a tip - she can't MAKE you feel anything you don't ALLOW her to. So choose to refuse to accept whatever she's throwing at you. It's her shit - you don't need it - put up a mental umbrella so the shit never hits you at all.

So you spent Christmas Day there - doesn't mean you can't slip the leash again, you know. It's like when people try to give up smoking, and then have a cigarette - they then think "oh well that's blown it" and go back to being a full time smoker. But they don't need to! Instead, they should think "it's just one cigarette, now I can carry on giving up". And that's how you could think too - it was just one day, now carry on with minimising contact and loosening her grip on you.

You Can Do This. :)

yes def put some boundaries in
are you married does it affect the relationship
if not and you do meet some one this will seriously affect things so start boundaries now

I'm in a relationship but my mum gets on with him too well. One reason I usually see her alone is because she flirts with him. He doesn't see it but it's obvious to everyone else. She says stuff about me to him but he doesn't realise she's slagging me off

Oh how terrible, your boiler is playing up and you'll have to stay in for the repairman.

She sounds dreadful OP.

Oh and I did put the home phone on mute today (just in case my nan needed me - it shows missed calls) but.... She phoned my mobile and wanted me to meet her in Tesco to see if a bra fitted her right... I came down with a headache and a lovely sneeze timed itself nicely

Soooo - did you manage to stay away from her altogether today then? That's pretty good going, keep it up! :)

I did AND I didn't pop in to see her at lunch
Feeling proud of myself and slightly more reasonable. Just wondering how long til I cave in again.

it's good the flirting goes over his head.
well done on setting boundaries just need to stick to it like a new years resolution ;-)

Just remember, if you do cave, it's like the one cigarette. you can always go back to "giving it up" again afterwards