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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Are we mad?

12 replies

charlottesmum5 · 27/12/2013 11:41

Have you ever met a guy and felt an instant soul mate type of attraction? Is that crazy or possibly borne out of need? And the feeling is mutual? I know people say its a red flag with the huge spark thing etc so I have my cynical head on but I would love to think the way I feel right now is the beginning of something good

OP posts:

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 27/12/2013 11:42

It CAN happen and be a good thing, but keep your cynical head on at all times and look out for further red flags. Keep yourself in check and be safe.

RatherBeRiding · 27/12/2013 12:03

It might be genuine sole-mate-ness. It might be instant infatuation that will fade and reveal gaping holes. As the Thumbnut said - keep your cynical head on until you know which one it is.

sarajane231 · 27/12/2013 13:09

I had that and it was wild passion for 5 years until bad times hit us and he walked out of a seemingly perfect relationship.

When a man is obsessed or infatuated with you in can mask their true character because they see you as a fantasy.

Just keep your wits about you. Make sure you talk. Make sure he has a history of healthy relationships.

I wish I'd known about red flags before I got burned

Original poster

charlottesmum5 · 31/12/2013 01:06

Well the bubble has burst. He made me feel amazing, flattered be beyond belief, told his mum he wanted to marry me, told me he loved me. Then silence, withdrawn, cold and rejection. We had made plans for new year and my birthday (Saturday) and now nothing. He won't reply to my messages. Heartbroken doesn't even come close. I'm crushed.

OP posts:

Absolutelylost · 31/12/2013 01:52

I'm so sorry but sounds like you've had a lucky escape before you got sucked in further. Horrible time of year but onwards and upwards.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 31/12/2013 03:56

Totally agree with Absolutelylost, sorry. Lucky escape is right.

So sorry that you're feeling crushed and heartbroken, but please try to look at it in a positive way - fresh year, fresh start, move onwards and upwards and thank your lucky stars you weren't any more involved.

((hugs)) just because I know it still feels shit.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/12/2013 04:01

I know it's horrible but at least you know New Year, new hopes and dreams.

bragmatic · 31/12/2013 04:47

Dodged a bullet then. Still, I know it feels shit. Sorry. x

maras2 · 31/12/2013 11:39

Sorry that you had to go through this.Try to have a happy new year but polish up your ' Twatdar '.

Thetallesttower · 31/12/2013 11:43

Sorry you got burned. In my experience even if the guy is really into you early on, a normal person will try not to overwhelm the other person with declarations of love and marriage within a few dates, knowing it will put them off. Not very nice people on the other hand, go precisely for this tactic knowing it inspires devotion, upon which they run like the wind.

So, I do believe in love at first sight, but that it is possible to be sensible and sensitive in the face of it.

This guy was a twat, you are well off out of it, even if you don't feel like it.

Can you make other birthday plans, friends, go away on a visit, don't sit around?

snowed · 02/01/2014 00:53

It's a useful lesson learned and I hope the new year brings you better things.

Lairyfights · 02/01/2014 01:04

I started reading your post and was so happy for you, I was sad to read about the burst bubble. I could say the usual his loss, lucky escape but I can imagine all you feel right now is shitty, disappointed and fucked off! Surround yourself with friends and family people that love you. Don't waste too much time being sad on a man that was all talk and no substance.

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