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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

not sure it is worth staying anymore

18 replies

tiredoldmum · 27/12/2013 09:18

I am not so sure what I am getting out of this marriage anymore. (No children involved.)

Sometimes we have heaps of fun(talking, having a laugh, watching, movies, going places) but many times I feel he is just taking the piss.

For example he has done this on more than one occasion. 2x this week. He will say he is going to make some food and I will ask him what and he will say and I say that's good. I'm hungry sounds great.

So later on he will bring a plate in and sit down and start eating it and then I say that looks good. I'll go get some and then he will say well I only made enough for me. I said I thought you were making tea. He said I didn't think you wanted any. Seriously, this is just shite.

So then he eats what he wants and then asks me if I want the rest because he isn't hungry. I was so angry then as I felt like a dog getting leftovers on the floor.

Also, he hasn't worked in about 2 years. He talked me into moving into some rural place and guess what no jobs! We have recently moved to the city and he hasn't done one thing to prepare for a job search. I have been working on my cv, studying interview questions, getting myself ready to apply when hiring begins next month.

I think the worst thing is his constant moaning and negativity. It is really draining and it is like a dripping tap.

I am supposed to be eating a special diet to ward off diabetes and was looking up recipes and he is looking over my shoulder at my screen saying steak, we can't afford steak. It is too expensive. I ignore him. He keeps saying it over and over until I just growl at him. Then he says I wasn't trying to have a go at you. I said I think you were.

But every little thing he is so negative. It is too expensive or we can't do that. I finally told him instead of moaning about how expensive everything is why don't you get off your arse and look for a job. Silence and then a few days later, back to moaning.

I want to say something to him about all of this but not sure what to say. Do you think he does this on purpose?

OP posts:
Hawkmoth · 27/12/2013 09:20

Yes. He does it on purpose. I'm sorry.

lucidlady · 27/12/2013 09:26

He does it on purpose. Who on earth doesn't make food for their partner? An arse, that's who.

What do you want to do?

ALittleStranger · 27/12/2013 09:26

I wouldn't accept that kind of behaviour from a flatmate, let alone a partner. And if he's that worried about money he should know that cooking for one is very uneconomical.

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2013 10:35

I'm absolutely flabbergasted by this man.

Why on earth are you with him? He's a complete drain on you in every way. He's the most selfish person I've heard of - he doesn't even cook for you when he KNOWS you want to eat it? And you've paid for the food!

Seriously, OP, get rid of this complete loser. You can have a laugh with your friends, you don't need him.

I hope to god you're renting, because I wouldn't want to give him anything in the break up.

mammadiggingdeep · 27/12/2013 11:54

He's a negative, spiteful person. Ltb. Seriously.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 27/12/2013 11:57

Good grief, WHO makes their own dinner but not for their other half? Especially when you've shown clear interest in it, he can't come out with bollocks like "I didn't think you wanted any" - that's just ridiculous!

He's being a tosser. Cocklodger, wanker, user, all the rest - do please get shot of him.

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2013 12:00

Thumbnuts - and she'd paid for the food!

HongkongDreamer · 27/12/2013 14:10

Oh dear god, leave him and get a job and get on with your life.

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2013 14:58

Oh I thought the OP was working.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 27/12/2013 15:00

No, she says she's working on her CV and getting ready for interviews/ hirings next month.

Donkeylovesmarzipanandmincepie · 27/12/2013 15:13

It doesn't sound to me like he thinks that much of you tbh. If you were housemates I'd suggest re-advertising or looking for another place. As you're a couple and he has a habit of treating you like this I'd question where this relationship is headed. Please tell me you didn't lose touch with family and friends when you relocated?

tiredoldmum · 28/12/2013 22:50

We had a discussion about this and he claims he didn't know I wanted anything and he said I make food sometimes just for myself.

He also said he is afraid of me as he always thinks he is in trouble. huh?

OP posts:
AnandaTimeIn · 28/12/2013 22:56

Seriously, this is just shite

Yea, why exactly are you with someone who does nothing for you and has no respect for you.

WTF? He sounds deranged quite frankly.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 28/12/2013 22:56

Ah get rid of him. He's a gaslighting cocklodger.

AnandaTimeIn · 28/12/2013 23:07

I bet he would feed his dog/cat if he had one in the house.

Oh, please. LTB. (my first, by the way).

He will never make you happy in your life.

Cocklodger indeed!

AnandaTimeIn · 28/12/2013 23:10

Silence and then a few days later, back to moaning.

As some of the wise women on here say:

"What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?"

tiredoldmum · 29/12/2013 01:02

Well it didn't seem that way at first but over time it just got to where I would end up doing most everything and he would do nothing.

He was working when I met him and for 2 years of our marriage. He never missed a day of work so I thought he was a good worker.

But yeah the moaning and excuses for everything is really old now. I thought after he would get a job but he just seems to do enough job search to get his benefits and nothing else.

OTOH I am always working on improving my skills by studying and learning. He just sits around and reads articles about some game or plays computer games. I make suggestions and he ignores them or says I am nagging.

Sorry, but a grown man should never have to be told to get a job. He knows better!

Like I said, the constant moaning and negativity is so draining.

I am pretty much done discussing any of this with him as when I bring up him searching for work he counters with I do search for work. Umm he hasn't applied for any jobs in maybe 3 weeks. He thinks applying for the minimum jobs for benefits is searching for work.

After I get a job and a few pay cheques he can leave.
It is rather funny reading how so many women manage to find and keep jobs but so many men don't seem to be able to. Probably the ones who don;t want to work.

OP posts:
Lweji · 29/12/2013 01:20

LTB.

Really.

It sort of reminds me of my ex. Started off as seeming like a good worker, even though he wasn't particularly ambitious, and I ended up supporting him. His attitudes are also not dissimilar.

Leave before there are children involved.

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