He finally said it

[Usedtoloveme]

Namechanged but regular. I've been feeling like my DP has been drifting away. Been together 3 years and bought our house together in January. Feel like that was a huge mistake. We also rent out another house. So, we're fairly tied with mortgages etc. He has 2 DCs with his ex who I've been caring for with him on a regular basis.

Over the past few months I've felt like he's only nice when I'm doing things with his boys or doing things for them. He told me he loved me but told friends a few weeks ago that he would marry me but not yet. Thanks for telling me! We're both in our 40's so not young.

Anyway, he's very selfish but has been even more so over the past few weeks. Tonight I lay in bed and felt like I was having palpitations so got up. He came downstairs and wanted to know what was wrong. I told him and said I didn't think he loves me. He argued a bit but then said 'we don't love each other'. I got very upset, got dressed and went out in the car at 2am. I got 2 texts telling me to come home and said I'd misheard him. Says he said 'we love each other' - load of rubbish. I drove for an hour as this clears my head. When I got back the house was in darkness and he's snoring in bed.

Do I end it now? I love him and hate the thought of selling up and starting all over again.

Sorry this is long and jumbled but thanks for reading.

Sorry to hear this has happened. You need to have a proper chat with him tomorrow.
Even if you love him it will be awful to stay with him if his feelings for you are not the same.
Try and get some sleep.

Thank you for replying. I know you're right. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't love me.

Poor you, how shit this must all be for you. I think he'll want to resolve it - so you could give it a time limit (2,3,6 months max?)

You'll be fine.

Sorry but persomally I'd dump the fucker.

You're only in your 40's... can you imagine 20 or 25 years down the line, thats basically another lifetime, realising you've spent it with some one that doesn't love you?

There's so much more that you could experience and enjoy than doing your best to try and make do with a half hearted relationship.

Good luck,hope it allworksout however is best fot you

I don't know if I'd ever believe him if he did want to resolve it. I was with my ex for 25 years and you're right that I don't want to waste the next 25 years hoping that he changes his mind.

It's only 3 years, and he's not the one.

End it now and move on. Life is way too short to be with people that don't love us.

I don't like the way he backtracked either, you know what he said and he told you that you didn't hear it.

That's gaslighting. It's a nasty and manipulative tactic.

Thanks Hissymas. I know what he said. I could understand if he made out that he'd only said it in temper. I think we all say things we don't mean sometimes. But that's not the case and he said it quite calmly and clearly. There's a lot of other little things too - he rarely holds my hand anymore, doesn't like to just stay in and watch tv, goes out 3 nights a week on his own. I don't think he's cheating but he doesn't want to just be with me at home either. Only when his DCs are here - what a coincidence! Bloody hell I'm an idiot!

He's the idiot!

You deserve better, you know this. I'm so sorry you are going through this it's shit.

I had this after only a year, and it hurt like mad, after 3 and with mortgages in the middle etc it's hideous.

You will need to think practically, you will need to separate assets fairly.

I hope you did the paperwork properly to make sure each of you is entitled to your fair shares.

The writing is on the wall here love, i'm sorry, it's not going to get better. The sooner you can disentangle your lives and move on, the better.

you are still in early stages in your marraige.
if you both feel it's not right then move on although I know it will be painful, it's best to do it earlier then in twenty five years time.
it's best to find someone you know truly loves you for who you are.

We talked a bit today. He says he does love me and still insists he didn't say we don't love each other. We're not married and that's a huge problem for me. He says he's not ready as he went through a messy divorce. I think if he's not ready after 3 years he'll never be ready and I've told him it's too late now anyway. I've said I still want to sell the houses but I don't think he believes me.

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From what you have said, I'd dump him too. Sorry, but he isn't honest at the very least. He can't conduct an adult discussion either.

And your gut instinct isn't wrong - it usually isn't.

And out three nights a week without you, and in when his kids are, with you doing the work?

I bet his divorce was messy. Wonder why?