Sorry long and bit rambling.
Background dh and I have been married 9 terms and have dd 2.5. He is 20 years older. We both work.
How I feel. Upset, tired and unloved.
After things seeming a bit better and Dh and I getting along better and being more loving things seem worse than ever.
Dd slept in our bed from 9.30 last night after waking up crying, I wanted to settle her in her room but Dh said for her to come in between us, this resulted in a very broken nights sleep with her kicking and sitting on me half the night. Dh woke us twice when he came back to bed at 11 and 3 am. Dd woke at 6.30 and wanted to go down stairs to dad, I went back to sleep until 7.30 Dh brought me a cuppa dd sat on bed watching cbeebies until 8.30 when we got up and made pancakes for brekkie.
10am I took Dd to park to ride new bike. Home 11.30 gave Dh a haircut, Dd lunch then rushed to get us both changed before going to pub at 12.30.
Dd good until 14.45 she was tired and played up went home at 15.30 with Dh shouting at me and Dd. Dd apologised to Dh but he told her off so I took her upstairs to watch tv out of the way. By this time he was really ratty shouting fuck off upstairs at both of us. Half four I took Dd downstairs for tea, she cuddled Dh but he remained upset with me saying I was making too much off it and I would regret it. My response was that I didn't like him not accepting an apology from a 2 year old.
Dd watched some tv and played whilst Dh came out to the kitchen I started prepping tea he said not to do him any and stood by the back door balling his fists. I said he had lost his temper too quickly just as he had done with his grandson who lived with us until 2 months ago, when they had a row, whilst I was way with work. He said I would regret saying that and then went to bed.
18.50 after settling Dd I went to get into bed and Dh told me to go into Dd's bed.
How do I feel?
Pissed off, I love Dh but am not blind to his faults, he is loosing his temper more often and whilst I have started to try and ignore it and not get too upset I don't want him to take his tiredness, anger or general grumpiness out on dd. She is aware that "daddy makes mummy sad" at times.
I really want to make our marriage work, I don't want to get divorced or be a single mum but does Dh even love me anymore.
Dh won't discuss things putting it down to lack of sleep, being under the weather or pissed off with work or pissed off with my work and not me not being at home.( I work long shifts at times with some nights way) He does however only seem to really loose it after drinking.
Do I carry on walking on egg shells or do I need to take action?