This might be long as I don't want to drip feed.
Ex-p and I had been together for 15 years and have two dc 12 & 8. We always intended to marry but he always put it off. Stupidly and naively I allowed him to buy a house in his name only (I was very wrapped up in IVF procedures and had lost a previous baby, so didn't have my eye on the ball). I trusted him, ridiculous I know, and now I'm counting the cost.
He changed when we had children, was financially very controlling often refusing to support us. He has been violent towards me three times over the 15 years and held a knife to my throat while I was holding 1 year old ds. The emotional abuse has been dreadful and I now see that he has been gaslighting.
I worked on and off for about 10 years so managed financially, but it was very difficult and I got into debt. He's a health professional with a high income and pays a large amount of his monthly income into his pension fund. He always paid the mortgage and bills and never asked me to contribute to these (I now realise he engineered this so that I couldn't stake a claim on the house), only food and things for the children.
Our relationship has been breaking down over a period of two years (on many occasions I threatened to leave because of his behaviour and he wooed me back) ever since he decided he "couldn't afford his family" anymore. I obviously couldn't carry on the relationship but continued to live in the house with our children until I could find somewhere else to live. He carried on paying the mortgage and utility bills and came and went as he pleased because "this is my house, get it into your thick head".
A month ago he said he wanted us out as he wants to sell/rent our house out because he deems it too big and expensive to run, so i've now found a small rental property through a friend and will be moving in a couple of months. He promised to give me £5000 to help in the moving process so that we would get out quickly, but has retracted that today. His reasons are because I won't enter into an informal agreement for child maintenance. He has offered half of what he should pay and I told him that was totally unacceptable and that he left me with no choice but to go through the csa.
He is absolutely raging now and threatening me with everything from fighting me in court through a very expensive barrister (he knows I can't afford a solicitor) and giving up his job. He said he'd apply to have the children 3 nights plus per week so that he doesn't have to pay maintenance, but he lives with his mother or in hotels 90 miles away. This makes me laugh because he has never been particularly involved with the dc. Also, he hasn't fostered a very good relationship with our youngest so consequently he won't stay with him at all. Youngest dc has had a few difficulties in the past (? autistic traits, loads of assessments, but much better now he's getting older). He's being referred for attachment issues, but still refuses to stay with ex-p as he says he winds him up so I fully support dc in not staying with ex-p as I have to protect his welfare. Eldest dc has always had a good relationship with him. A side issue, ex-p shows autistic and personality disorder traits which he could easily diagnose himself, but obviously won't
All I want is to leave quietly, without the blimmin' £5000 and get on with my life with my dc. The dc are lovely, do well at school and we have a very close relationship. He is making this move very hard for me now because of the threats with csa payments, just because I won't agree to what he wants to give. He has a good job, two houses and a whacking pension waiting. I have nothing (my fault for being so trusting).
I'm sorry this has been so long, but I wanted to give a clear picture. Could anyone please help with some advice? I have already seen a family law solicitor who said I don't have a claim on the house (which I know) and that was it. I called WA two years ago after he grabbed me, leaving bruises, but I didn't go to the GP to have it recorded because I was so ashamed. Please help.