Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So confused - opinions please!

17 replies

BigChocolateOrange · 26/12/2013 15:35

Hi all,

I've posted a few times about my exDP leaving me halfway through November saying that I'm not the same person he fell in love with. I don't think I believe this reason, I actually think that he couldn't cope with the pressure of work stress, lack of money, a 5 month old DD and me having PND.

Following him leaving he was vile to me, angry and defensive in texts and in person and always seeming to want to pick a fight, all the while wanting to know where I was and who I was with. About two weeks ago this all came to a head, we had a HUGE row and I broke down, sobbed my heart out and told him exactly how I felt about how he was treating me, how I was struggling with my PND etc etc. And we also DTD. I'm not reading anything into that because I'm aware that sex with an ex is pretty common.

Since then though he's been super nice. He's gone out of his way to be more supportive, which I would expect and which is how he should have been all along. However, I think he's going above and beyond being supportive. He's started putting kisses on the end of his texts again, instigating contact when he doesn't need to, he's been flirty and really touchy feely with me, using affectionate terms in his texts, keeps instigating physical contact, and has been talking about future plans, next Christmas etc. He also bought me a Christmas gift which was something that I said I wanted months ago but couldn't justify buying for myself.

I'm not naive, I know that he's a dickhead, but he was my dickhead and I want to believe that there's a chance we can fix things, so whilst I'm expecting responses saying as such I also want to know what people think about his behaviour? I'm SO confused!

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 26/12/2013 16:09

He's trying to lure you back in.

BigChocolateOrange · 26/12/2013 17:12

That's not a good thing is it?!

OP posts:
sarajane231 · 26/12/2013 17:22

Exact same thing happenned to me. Dont know what to tell you except I understand the pain and confusion x

BigChocolateOrange · 26/12/2013 17:28

Sorry to hear that. I just want to be able to hate him, it's so much easier that way! x

OP posts:
enderwoman · 26/12/2013 17:31

My h left about a year ago and is a selfish arse.

In the past year he's gone from quiet (2 months) to angry (2 months) to quiet (6 months) to humble and friendly for the last 2 months. What I'm trying to say is that he went through the whole spectrum of moods with me so it's hard to pinpoint what he's really thinking.

I've also gone through a variety of moods- tearful to indifferent to angry.

It's easier to play nice when living apart. My advice is to just keep on going on the path that you have been on until emotions settle down. A year ago I was emotionally a mess. I still have bad days but I feel confident that the split is a good thing and you couldn't pay me to go back. If there is a chance of reconciliation thentime will tell

BigChocolateOrange · 26/12/2013 17:43

Thank you for sharing your situation ender. I just wish I could fast forward to the end!

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 26/12/2013 17:47

The OW blew him out or isn't ready yet to leave her own partner

BigChocolateOrange · 26/12/2013 18:01

Always an option I guess.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 26/12/2013 18:01

Or......he realises what hes lost and that hes acted like a knob? Surely this must happen sometimes?

RosieAndJimRosieAndJim · 26/12/2013 18:08

Agree with NottaLotta. Sounds like he's been under huge pressure too, it's all come to a head, you've cleared the air between you and now he's trying to rebuild your relationship

binger · 26/12/2013 18:10

I second Notto. Surely there is also the possibility that he has opened his eyes to what he is losing. If there has been a lot of stress he's going to be affected to. Don't be messed around but be open to talking too. Sometimes couples do work it out.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 26/12/2013 18:13

Yes, it's an option just like several others

Just make sure you are not blindsided to it by putting in all the effort to get you "back on track"

Read the relationships board on here. Many, many women feel very foolish indeed when it becomes clear they could never have made the slightest bit of difference to the outcome.

Lavenderhoney · 26/12/2013 18:21

Have you asked him? Actually said " why are you doing all this?" Because its not like dating- he really hurt you so there shouldn't be any mystery or wondering.

I once asked a bf who had been dicking me about " what are you DOING here? You mess me about, you don't know what you want, yet you think its ok to treat me like this? Is it fun for you?"

He apologised for being a knob and we parted as mates ( well, ish:)

It depends - if you think it might work then you have to talk to him and make a rule to talk maybe every Monday night without wine, about any problems or plans - which might concentrate him as its a plan to make it work. And you can bring up what you like, listen to each other nicely and go from there every week.

BigChocolateOrange · 26/12/2013 18:26

Do you know what, asking him didn't even cross my mind! That would seem to be the best answer. I just want to work things out so badly I don't know whether I'm reading too much into things.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 26/12/2013 18:26

I do agree that you shouldn't be just 'taken in' but maybe he is really making an effort? I'd say open and honest conversations need to be had from hereon in. Him coming good doesn't excuse previous behaviour but maybe he realuses that and is trying to make up for being a knob? Hope so!

Sparrowlegs248 · 26/12/2013 18:28

Ask him Bigchoc! What have you got to lose?? His answers will help you alot i think.

BigChocolateOrange · 26/12/2013 19:59

This is such an obvious answer!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page