I dont whats wrong. I think he hates me

[Crown23]

Im turning 28. My husband's 31. We had been dating for 7 years before we got married in 2011. I have a 9 month old son. I live wth my in laws. We dt have any financial problems. The only thing is my husband does not spends time at home. He is always out drinking. He cares for me..thats wht I feel sometimes..but at times I feel he hates me.. he even hits me sometime. I have always forgived him. But nowdays I can't take the arguments anymore. Ive even thought of suicide. But I think of my precious son then and try to make things out wth my husband. He still lies bout his wherebouts. He hides alot of things from me. Whnever I ask him out he lies he has work and he will come home late and drunk. I dont knw whr he goes or wht he does. I blindly trust him.Today I confronted him bout hus wherebouts kn xmas eve. And he got angry. He uses alot of vulgariry wth me. He tells me if im not happy, jst f* off. I feel so hurt... he even threw our pre wedding pics frame to the floor..the mirror pieces ws everywhr even in the babys crib. Yet I tried speaking to him..I told him to come up for a while so tt I cab speak to him..he shouted at me in front of his bro in law who is visitin from london. He said dt iiritate me..jst go to ur room. Im so heart broken. I dt knw why he is like ths..I dt knw hw to handle ths anymore..someone pls help me out.. I have no one to talk to

Ok after a quick search, Malaysia isn't great for women's rights, but not actively against them either

context here for anyone interested.

Am looking for aid groups now that may help... SIS (sisters in Islam) was mentioned in the blog post above, not sure if they help individuals though or are more of a lobby-ist political pressure group.

Probably the 4K is in Ringgits and so it converts to £800

OP, you could try this organisation . . . www.wao.org.my/

Sisters in Islam is a brilliant organisation - I heard a speaker recently.

Culturally it is very different from the UK eg it is very unusual to live together before marriage.

OP, are you in KL? Do you have friends outside your (and your DH's) family?

Even if I call up womens aid or call the cops here , they will just say this Is a "common" domestic issue and wont interfere.
Im not an Islam so I don't knw if the Islam aid wud do any good.
I wish my mother was alive. least I could ask her what should I do. Im afraid if I decide to leave , I regret later on , or the blame comes on me. As my husband has during previous arguments portray to the family members that I am not understanding.

Ok, I've found a Womens Aid Organisation in Malaysia.

homepage here

They sound good, and although I doubt anyone on mumsnet will have dealt with them personally I do think you need to call them and talk to them. They will know how to plan a safe escape plan.

Being in the uk, I would be worried about advising you as the local culture is do different. Above all else, you need to keep safe, keep your baby safe, and keep together with your baby,

I know you say you're not ready to leave him, but you sound trapped, scared, and confused. It sounds like you need help.

They offer shelter, telephone councelling and face to face councelling. They have a phone number and an email address, though email is not for urgent enquiries. They also have some good information and advice about whether he'll change, and how do you know you're being abused.

They also list other women's aid charities [[http://www.wao.org.my/Other+Womens+NGOs+and+civil+society+groups_102_62_1.htm here]

Yes The 4K is in ringgit currency. For my Mazda itself the monthly commitment would be 1,500. Im afraid I will not be able to provide the best for my boy if I am on my own. Rental for house , his education . And I don't knw when I go to work , who will look after him then.

My husband pays for everything now. Insurance , car , house , bills. I buy the milk for baby and his other needs and bit of household stuff.

Crown23 your situation may well be common, but it doesn't make it right. I'm not sure a charity whose purpose is to help women in abusive relationships would dismiss what you're going through.

Please phone them.

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts ,
You are right , I don't knw if I am ready to leave. But I don't knw whether he will change and whether things will work out. I don't know how severe is my case compared to others.

I am a well educated person. but right now , I feel totally lost and dumb. I cant decide for myself...I am so scared ill make the wrong decision. I am so worried about what ppl will think of me.

I will look into the website you have provided.

Another Malaysian Mumsnetter was in an abusive domestic situation there, and posters who've lived in KL were helping her. I'll see if I can find the thread, but it's very late here & I'll have to do this tomorrow.

Crown, sometimes love isn't enough my dear. If you are a loving person, you can find you feel love for someone who is unkind to you, just because they're in your life! Of course nobody is horrible 100% of the time, or they'd never be able to find a partner or keep one. Being nice some, or even most, of the time is NOT enough when they're also violent, verbally abusive and unhelpful. Loving them won't change them into a good person, sadly. It's better for you and your baby to get away from this toxic environment.

Keep posting, and do call the organisations posters have mentioned. It might also be worth asking at work - does your HR offer personal support, and what about staff community groups?

There's also AWAM - the page I've linked gives info about their helpline, and other organisations that support women in abusive domestic situations.

It's really worth calling them all, Crown, it's very helpful just to talk with an experienced woman who isn't personally involved with your family but understands. It does look, too, as if there will be some options you could consider :)

Thank you everybody. I don't knw who u are. But I believe all of you are like my sisters giving me all this support. I feel so much better knowing I can talk to u guys.
Ive look up all the websites and its all very helpful.
I'll call the help aid after office. I pray God makes my life better and help me to decide wisely and be strong.

I have also told my father about whats going on. Thanks for making me realize that I don't deserve to continue living like this.

I hope the calls went well. You don't have to live like this, and perhaps your father can help you? Somewhere to stay perhaps?

Have you any real life friends you can confide in? Start to make a plan, and don't mistake control for love. Its not love, its bullying and cruelty. You don't have to accept to live that way.

If it's that he hates you I would ask him is he hates you. Don't come up with a fancy way of approaching him just say it straight and if he hates you then i'm sure you'd enjoy those chocolates more than him.

The advice and support being given here is fab, i dont have any to add but wanted to send you best wishes.

How are you doing, Crown?

Thanks all.. Im doing much better now..
Hugs to all the sisterly figure out thr..appreciate all the time and support given