can anyone give me some hope we can get through this

[thatlldonicely]

from previous threads

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1946522-my-husband-has-just-told-me-hes-not-sure-how-he-feels-about-me-anymore

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1947571-help-shit-im-scared-panicking

is there anyone out there who has been in this situation and managed to turn things around- i dont know whether i am desperately trying to hang onto something that isnt there anymore or whether it is possible to get back to a place where we were both happy - when we were talking he did say "he would love it if we were like that" referring to how we used to be but am i placing too much wieght on this and setiing myself up for a huge fall

not sure this posted

I think what your H has done is the shittiest of shitty things. And the timing is spectacular.

I think if someone said this shit to me now, i'd tell them to go, that i'd not be clinging, begging to give it another go, please try etc.

Let him learn through loss!

How dare he crap all over your marriage, your life and everything this close to christmas. How dare he!

Anytime and every time he needs to stir things up, this is what he does, right?

Bugger that!

Stop thinking that you are defined by the ring on your finger, you are not. That gives him way too much power!

You deserve way better than this.

He needs to be reminded of this. Get angry and tell him to go and think about what he thinks gives him the right to treat you like this?

well said Hissy

He's got you posting desperate and sad at 05:30 on Xmas Day. Prick!
There is no "we" to get through this.
If you're even prepared to consider giving him a chance, then it's for him not "we" to work out how to win you back and make it work.
Get rid. If wants it to work and get past this - let him try.
Sorry you're going through this.

hello
I have posted a very similar thread and Im sorry you are in the same position.
I too am struggling to get through the day but dont be sad be mad.

Your dh is a twat. Its all about him just like mine

I hope you have a good day x

try and enjoy your day. try and leave all the reality of that for a few days. I think it is possible if both people try equally and both want it enough.

it can't just come from you. really hope you can have a nice day

Christ Malcolm I thought you and the OP were one and the same!

You poor thing! My advice goes for you too, how bloody dare he lay this one on you.

He needs to sort himself out either STFU or FTFO, but to go around sighing and woe-is-me-ing the week before christmas and making HIS issues into everyone elses issues is beyond shit.

Hi Hissy,

I am going through this too, DH told me three weeks ago that he didn't know if he loved me anymore. He has been mega stresses and suffering from depression (according to the doctor). It totally broke me.

Three weeks later, lots of tears and talks in the middle of the night we are still here and he is 'trying'. He cries a lot at silly things (the Polar Express yesterday!). I am hoping that we can move forward together as opposed to apart. I have had to be strong and leave him alone, he needs to sort this out himself.

Someone posted this and to me it made sense ..

www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?_r=3&adxnnl=1&emc=eta1&pagewanted=1&adxnnlx=1387977584-slfhLtiovhqzu+R2f7I/zg

I have no idea what is going to happen to us, but I love him and he is a good man. Lots of people on here will tell you to LTB etc. but only you know if you want things to work out.

Pm me if you want to talk more
X

Depression proper is a complete bugger, it robs you of everything good in your life, your anger is turned against you, and it repels all love/affection.

If he's willing to talk to a counsellor and wants to make things work, then it's a long slog, but he might just make it.

He does need to help himself, for himself, and for nothing else. Depression is a selfish disease, and while it's serious and dangerous, it is possible to recover.

You will need support through this too, an outlet, a vent and a shoulder. Mn is fab for that.

Good luck love!

Similar position to the OP and the other two posters, particularly BrokenPurlpleHeart (without a diagnosis of depression).

Today has been lovely and we're trying to work through it, but the fact he said he no longer loves me is constantly in my head...

sorry to hear you're going through this too Jones - i get what you mean about the thought constantly being in your head - one minute i seem to be carrying on as normal & the next it all comes back to me and i have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. Husband must be feeling particularly shit though as trying to get through the first xmas without his mum - FIL went home early yesterday as couldnt cope - & today has always just been a day at home so kids are occupied ive done the clearing up & now its swallowing me up again = maybe we can talk abit more once xmas is over