My cousin died recently - xmas is hard

[SELondonSwede]

Just needed to vent. My cousin to whom I was incredibly
Close passed away earlier this year. I struggle today. I miss him.
My heart breaks for his two boys and his mum. I am sad because the last few years of his life were very hard for him. He lost his business, his wife and his whole world fell apart. A year ago today was the last time I saw him. If only I had known. I feel so guilty, I wish i had known how little time he had left. His passing was so sudden. He was 45, the most wonderful man. It is not right.

I miss him so much

It is incredibly hard. This is the third Christmas Eve I have been without my DH, he was 51 when he died from SADS. Guilt is natural, anger is natural. The only way I cope is by allowing myself to feel these things because it is not just/fair. However it does ease with time. I have just toasted him with a glass of a particular wine we used to share every Christmas Eve after our 'Santa' chores. Now the memories are happier and I can think about the good times.

Struggling - glad you can thinks of the good times - that goes some way to help doesn't it? My cousin was in a hit and run years ago two weeks before Christmas and his birthday is 22 December. We weren't thot close and rarely saw him once he was no longer a little 'un but it was still very sad.

SE London Swede -perhaps you can take a leaf out of Strugglings book and remember the good times you had with your cousin.

Christmas is often tinged in sadness for people. Are you spending it with his family?

I'm so sorry. I've been incredibly lucky to never have lost anyone close and reading threads like this makes me appreciate mine more. A good friend is having her first Christmas without her mum and my SIL lost her brother around this time of year and it's heartbreaking to see their sadness.

I don't know if this would help in your situation, but my SIL has her traditions to remember her brother. She always takes a holly wreath to the remembrance gardens at the crematorium before taking her nephew for hot chocolate and telling him about his dad. It makes her feel closer to him and remember all the happy times they had together.

I am sorry for your loss. The winter months are usually the worst for missing loved ones and noticing the gaps in your life. My sister died from an illness quite a few years ago and it still hurts more so at family gatherings and celebrations. She didn't have any kids so I can't take comfort in them but you can go and give your nephews a big hug. Take comfort in the fact that a little part of him lives on.

Thank you everyone and I am sorry for the losses that you too have had. I guess that the only way is through it.

It is hard and so raw still, I try to focus on the positive things but the pain is very raw still.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

It is such a sad time for many, I found myself in tears on Christmas Day thinking to much about the 2 young footballers that died last weekend 19 and 13 I think they were.. Couldn't help thinking about their poor families looking at the unopened presents.
Feel for anyone who had lost anyone.

There are so many of us in this situation. My Mum died in October. My friend's sister died very tragically in the summer. We are naturally and rightly sad but I feel they would not want this. They would want us to remember them with joy at Christmas and be thankful that we had them in our lives at all.
Hope that helps a little bit, OP. It has helped my friend and I. Hope you have someone in RL who understands and you can share with.