Dating someone when you can't have a future

[1983mummy]

I've been casually seeing someone for a few months. I say casually as we realise that because of distance and both having our own kids it could never be more. He's London and I'm 2 hours away.

We see each other every couple of weeks and it's amazing and regularly keep in touch and get on great. Neither of us are seeing anyone else as it wouldn't feel right.

After being screwed over by my ex and being emotionally/psychologically abused (I think that's the term) he's helping me rebuild my confidence and like myself again.

I have feelings I suppose for him, but certainly am not falling for him because the distance acts as a kind of barrier, but I wondered how long it's good to carry on like this?

Obviously I do not know your full family set up but surely you could move in together and have a blended family in due course?

I dated a wonderful chap for 18 months but it was casual tbh. I longed for more but due to distance and his career, not to mention continuing problems with his ExW and trying to have a relationship with his 4 DCs, I knew he'd never give himself permission to have a life beyond that. In some ways it was good for me and helped me build my confidence again but I still miss him and am now attempting OD but seem to compare everyone to him. I think I want a doppelganger! Not good.

If you think you're falling for him, you may have to have a rethink, if it can never be more.

Thank you for your post. He plays a regular role in his kids life like my ex does in mine and two hours seems so far away. I kind of think that we should just let fate decide and take it from there and if it's meant to be it will be, but if it isn't ill be grateful that his influence meant I never went back to my ex.

He has been like a breath of fresh air and I find myself fantasising about a future (which I suppose is normal, regardless of dating scenario) even though I know it could never be.

What's weird is I always fantasise moving to him as The city seems so exciting. I was with my ex from being a teenager and my life has always been here, but I long for a new start somewhere different.

My XH has been with his gf nearly 4 years and she lives about 3 or 4 hours away. They are definitely planning a future together - I think there can often be ways around things.

Yes I used to think about moving closer to him. It's hard. I loved our time together but would feel cross once alone again, about how unfair it all was. I began to long for more.

I'm still fond of him even now. I'm afraid if he suddenly called me and said he wanted to move in, I'd say yes!

Guard your heart is what I'd say. That sounds so cheesey doesn't it?

I should be tidying up right now

The new year has made me realise that something in my life is missing, a partner, someone to go on dates with and have fun with regularly and who I can wake up to on a regular basis - I want a relationship.

This chap is great and has been my emotional rock, confident and in a way he mesmerises me but I just don't think we could be anymore because of the distance. And he can't give me what I need to be happy. Thing is he's been such an important person in my life I don't know what to do. I don't know how easy it would be to say goodbye to him and whether I feel ready to...but then I don't know if I could continue seeing him and dating (seeing as we are only having fun and he doesn't want a relationship).

Is he living with someone else then? 2 hours away is trifling.