Had to unwrap a present to check it had the right name on

[Sladistic]

I suddenly panicked and thought I'd written OM's name in a present for my DP.

This is all such a mess.

I ended it with OM just before Christmas, I felt too guilty. I'm now spending christmas with my DP and our relationship is just not working.

I don't know what I expect to get from this other than a flaming.

But I'm now with the wrong man. I should have just faced up and ended things with DP.

Now I have to go through a charade at christmas and I've made someone who could have made me very happy very unhappy and probably lost them forever. I don't think I can fix anything anymore.

This thread is helping me make some decisions of my own..........thank you

Seriously, it's two days. I'm guessing your affair lasted longer than two days so I'm sure you can manage it. I suggest when you oficially end your marriage you spend some time working on why it was more acceptable to lie and cheat, rather than being honest and sticking to your guns.

The problem is whenever I try to talk to him he either literally refuses to hear it, or guilt trips me for making him unhappy when he's happy with us.

That right there is a jolly good reason to end it. You are entitled to have feelings, and a partner who actually cares about you would care how you feel.

You may have lost OM for good, well them's the breaks. You know you did things the wrong way round and this, sadly, is the price. There are other men in the world and also the option of remaining single, which I'm here to tell you is not nearly as dreadful as it is often painted. Staying with the one you've got who does not regard your feelings as valid is probably the worst option of the lot.

I'm sure I've said this before, but the most chilling bit to me in the film The Stepford Wives is at the end when the mad scientist is calling on the heroine to surrender, and tells her she will be much happier if she just gives in. The point is she is going to be murdered and replaced by a robot replica. She will not be happier, she will be dead! But everyone will see an apparently contented image of her and to the mad scientist - and all of the seemingly loving husbands in town - this is what matters.

Don't be a robot replica of yourself. Make your own destiny. And, er, take your men one at a time from now on, eh?

Not sure what you've decided to do, but my XH dumped a breakup on a completely happy and unknowing me on new years day 2 years ago. Made me feel my whole Christmas was a charade, which to him it presumably was. We tried to make it work for 3 more weeks, but he really wasnt trying at all, said he had dumped ow but clearly hadn't. Eventually I found a message to a colleague on his phone saying he was going to leave on a certain date, after our sons 2nd bday party, as he wanted a 'nice family day!' so I kicked him out the day before. He is still with ow.

He's not my husband and we don't live together, although he did want me to move in when my lease expires in a couple of months.

Christmas was actually good, but I'm not sure that can change the bigger picture. And I'm very aware that it may now feel like a charade but I think that's better than having a bomb dropped on you on Christmas eve.

I think you could tell him that you want some time apart as you need some time to yourself. You have your own home, there is nothing tying you to him other than your own sense of guilt.