Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm so unhappy but scared to be alone.

4 replies

ProtegeMoi · 24/12/2013 01:04

Just posting to get things down really.

I hate my life, I hate my relationship and I hate my girlfriend. She is simply a child who never got past that teenage stage. Spends most of her time playing computer games, does very little around the house, makes a mess and expects someone else to clean it up etc.

I just can't handle it anymore, I have such a busy life that I don't have time for someone like that, someone who won't work and just spends all day laying about.

The problem is I'm so scared of leaving, my older two children from a previous marriage adore her, well they would when you consider they are basically friends who play together rather than having a parent/.child relationship, but they will be devastated and my daughter in particular who sadly has witnessed way too many arguments will hate me for it.

Not only that but I am a full time student and the one thing she does do is look after the youngest while I'm studying, if we split I will have to give it up when I've worked so hard.

I just don't know what to do for the best. We have been together 6 years, the last 4 of those unhappy. I should have left years ago but I always thought it would change, believed her empty promises and tried to do what I thought would make the kids happy but I can't do this anymore, I'm so miserable I've seriously considered walking away on my own, I expect the older kids will prefer to stay with her anyway.

They tend to back her up, as in when I say something about the dirty clothes she has chucked on the floor the kids and her rally together, like siblings would, to defend their innocence.

I know I'm not perfect, in any way shape or form. I've had my own issues to deal with but I have worked my ass off to make this work and get nothing in return.

Today I have spent all day cleaning, litterally all day and when I'm done she sits and promises she will tidy up after herself , that she will be able to keep on top of it now when I go back to college (it had fallen seriously behind). Then I sit down to get some of my coursework done, have loads to get through during the holidays and struggling to find time. At midnight I finish for the night, during this time she has played on the Xbox the whole time. I go downstairs and there is dirty dishes all over the side, a bag of rubbish in the kitchen floor, she's had a bath and left it dirty, moved my wet washing out the way and left it dumped in a pile and there is food spilt across the living room table.

I saw red, after all the work I'd done she undone it so quick. She ended up sitting watching me clean it while still playing on the Xbox, at 1am when I'd worked all day. How can anyone be so thoughtless, lazy and selfish?

Anyway that's that really, here to yet another miserable Christmas wishing I'd never met her in the first place.

OP posts:
passedgo · 24/12/2013 01:19

She's got an addiction, it is a behaviour that is getting in the way of a healthy relationship. She is modelling this for the children. She wants to change, a good sign, but making false promises, this is what addicted people do. But it sounds as though she really can't help herself. She may need you to help her shake this off and get back into the real world, or you may just have to cut your losses.

CogitoMerrilyOnHigh · 24/12/2013 07:27

Your reasons for sticking around, if you'll pardon the observation, are pretty thin. Your DCs may like her on the surface but, if they've witnessed the arguments and the slobbiness, they're unlikely to hate you for ending things. Their first loyalty will be to you. Childcare is another poor argument. As a single person/student I'm very sure there would be some kind of benefit available to subsidise the cost if she wasn't there to provide the service.

Sometimes you have to have the courage of your convictions.

Allofaflumble · 24/12/2013 08:09

Feel the fear and do it anyway! The only way this young lady will have to make any changes is if you give her the space to do it for herself.

Otherwise it will just be more of the same I'm afraid. You deserve more than this from a relationship.

Do a balance sheet. For and Against and then see what the result is - probably what you know and you know what you need to do.

All the best. x

mammadiggingdeep · 24/12/2013 09:23

Seriously, do yourself and your dc a favour...start the new year without her.

The relationship is no good for the children, or you! If you sincerely wish you'd never met her, there is absolutely no point being together anymore. I'd say her and her behaviour is dragging you down.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread