Has anyone else had these worries re kids after splitting up? Warning may be upsetting

[Ikeameatballs]

I split up with ex-p in Feb, I have no regrets about the decision. Life for me, him and the dc is much, much better. I am no longer brimming with resentment the whole time, he is making more sensible decisions about his own life and the dc see their dad more. Whilst I can't see us ever getting back together, and I think he still hopes for thus, we are in general getting on better (mainly because we don't live together).

So all should be well but I have developed this horrendous anxiety that he will do something dreadful. My fear is that he will kill himself and the dc in the way that estranged partners sometimes do. I have no basis for this, he hasn't been the best dad/partner but he has never, ever been aggressive or violent to me or the dc. But still this fear persists. Tonight I was in tears at the dc bedtime because it was in my head.

So....is this just a ridiculous anxiety that is the manifestation of all of my feelings about the whole thing? Is it something else? Has any one else ever had this feeling and it all been ok?

It's hard to share thus with rl friends without sounding a bit mad.

I haven't allowed exH to see DS unsupervised for the same fear, but he has a history of depression, suicidal thoughts (if he was lying, then it has backfired spectacularly), alcohol and AD abuse. And a fear of abduction.

Do you think your ex might be a risk in any way?

I worry my DS would be kidnapped or taken away from me for no reason what so ever! Or that he would end up killing him in a car crash

So maybe it's just silly worries, you love your DC and ridiculous thoughts can easily get into your mind when you see it in the news especially. I think you start to think "how would I cope if that was DC" which is natural I feel

It's this kind of thing which is in the news quite a bit... It really makes you think. And worry.

Your RL friends won't get it unless they are a LP too

I had forgotten, I had this feeling for a long time. Xh has psychotic depression/bi polar and schizoaffective disorder. I was paranoid something would happen when I left him. It didn't and I think it's very rare- but the stories you hear in the news haunt you don't they. Mine are teens now and it doesn't cross my mind anymore.

Maybe because your life is going well at the moment, you can't quite believe it, so subconsciously are worrying about something that will almost never happen.

Thank you all.

He has had depression off and on in the past, quite badly once or twice. He has complained a lot about his depression in the past but he is well so long as he takes his meds and doesn't drink too much. He seems well from that PoV at the moment.

I worry that he is finding the idea of the two of us not being together v. hard to get used to and that any indication that I was seeing anyone else (I'm not, had a few dates but nothing else) might tip him over the edge. A friend of his said to me that he keeps texting and asking if I have met someone else and described him as being "obsessive" which worried me.

Logically I know that it is a rare occurrence and I have to try to reassure myself that it won't happen.

Maybe be vigilant about him, and go to supervised contact if you think you have reasons to worry.

At some point I will allow unsupervised contact with exH, but I think I will always worry a bit.
In the same way that I don't fully relax if I don't see DS entering the school premises. He's 8.

i have exp with depression etcetc so i understand.
but this is about your anxiety and your worries right now.

you cannot get in his head.
if everything looks stable and calm, then there is little point in worrying... if you see any signs of instablity go to supervised contact.

did you get any counselling psot split? ask gp about some sessionson nhs or refer yourself to private therapist for some cbt.