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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DC birthdays once separated

3 replies

FushandChups · 23/12/2013 21:59

What do people do? DS is 2 end of the week on stbxh contact weekend and I thought I would get to spend some time with him. Whilst I am being 'allowed' a few hours at the end of the day, is this normal? With xmas etc, I am not seeing him in the days before or after...

I don't know what is normal

OP posts:
hamptoncourt · 23/12/2013 22:27

Ok, so the birthday is sorted yes? It is his contact day but he has agreed you can see DS for part of the day. I think that is reasonable.

Re Christmas. Most people either do a year on/year off agreement re Christmas Day where one has the DC Xmas Day and the other has Dc Boxing Day and they swap the next year.
Alternatively, and better IMHO, if you live close enough do the following: Year 1, you have DS Xmas Eve and until 4pm Xmas Day, then XH has him from 4pm Xmas Day and Boxing Day. Year 2 you swap.

Hope you get it sorted and that you have a lovely Christmas either way. DS is still a bit young to know what is going on so don't worry too much about this year but a good idea to get plans in place going forward.

FushandChups · 23/12/2013 22:38

I am being given three hours at the end of the day and you're right, he's too young to know any different. I just thought as i couldn't be with him beforehand or the day after (and am then working while he's with his GM until late on the 1st), I would get to spend some decent time with him on the day rather than the tired, end of the day once H (and OW) have had their fun.

Xmas itself isn't a problem as we sorted this out in advance. Just got an email telling me what I am getting - tbh, I probably object more to the way he told me.

I have calmed down somewhat now.. must stick to my 'wait 2 hours from when you hear from him before responding' rule Blush

OP posts:
DoingItForMyself · 24/12/2013 20:27

My XH seems to wangle his shifts so that the DCs are with him either the night before or the night OF their birthdays, so they wake up at one house, get their presents and go to school, then the other parent collects from school and spends the evening.

Sometimes we all go out to eat with other family members or if they are having a party with friends we won't get together.

This year DD was home with me before school, then at XH's after school, stayed overnight and then had friends here the following day as it was the weekend.

I try not to make too much of it, it's just a date, for me the special time is the day you celebrate.

Similarly, they are all at their dad's tonight. They will stay there and all come round in the morning. Other people think this is weird or must be hard, but for me, I will have a lovely day with them all tomorrow and their dad will get to do the mince pie for Santa and the stockings etc.

It's different, but it doesn't have to be horrible. I'm enjoying a peaceful evening, getting some tidying done and relaxing with a cuppa and a Christmas film.

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