Said horrible things to my sister

[Outoforder]

Ive just had another row with my younger sister. Long story but the bones of it is -

She has never hardly worked, whenever she has got a job she got the sack for not going in. She lives in a one bedroom flat with babys father and child. Since getting over the surpprise of her being pregnant so young at 21, all the family have given financial and emotional support to her. the baby had no cot the father has been buying this since she was expecting but its still not bought. I have bought the child loads of clothes and necessities as well as looking after the baby on many occasions so they can go out.

This week i bought a second hand cot frame and had given her vouchers to buy new mattress - she was to find the vouchers (which she claimed to have lost) and we would go and get one as she does not drive. I just phoned her today having not heard anything from her for five days and she said she does not want the cot I purchased and that they will get one themselves. I lost it a bit and said she was ungrateful, the child needs a cot to sleep in and if they spent less on alcohol & cigarettes they would have the cot bought months ago. They drink every night in the flat.

She told me to keep my nose out of her and babies life what they do is their business but I feel so sorry for the baby, the poor baby has hardly any clothes anything it does have has been bought mostly by our family. Sister is quick to phone when she wants a baby minder and is happy to usually keep taking.

I dont mind getting things for the baby as it breaks my heart to think of it going without essentials and nice things that my own children and other children have.

Or am I out of order and should I just steer clear.

Sister got very angry when I mentioned that I knew they drink every night in the flat and said its none of my business.

Any advise is appreciated.

anyone !!

I think that by the sounds of it she should be grateful for the support you and your family have given her. Its only natural that you want to help and buy things for the baby, and she should understand that. Sometimes families do try and interfere a bit but it sounds like you are just trying to help her.
I would let her know that if she needs anything for the baby then you are there for her and leave it at that.

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You obviously mean well but TBH to me it sounds a bit heavy handed. She's young but she's a grown up and it's her life and her family. I would try not to criticise her and make arrangements for her. I can understand her feeling annoyed at that really.

We all have to find our own way of dealing with family life. If the baby is still very small, it isn't such a big thing really not to have his own cot, perhaps they like the baby sleeping with them? Babies really don't need a huge amount, a lot of the stuff we do buy for them isn't really essential, is it? She's only 21, she'll no doubt change a lot by the time she's 30, people do.

Maybe drop by with a bottle of plonk and a take-away and, I think, just try to resist the urge to structure her life for her. I think it's really nice that you babysit for her now and again to give her a break. Wish I'd had that.

Yes - I think I can be too domineering, I will lay off a bit. Although baby is nine months.

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It's difficult when a young innocent baby is involved but from experience I would say you have to step back and leave your sister to it. As difficult as it is as the child grows up at least by not falling out you will be some security for the child when he/she needs it. It's really difficult I know.