I don't know where to start. Sorry it's such a long post.
My mother and I were very close growing up, right up until i had my first child. When i went back to work she volunteered to look after dd. I ideally wanted her in nursery PT for the social aspect but she said it was FT with her or nothing. I graciously accepted as it saved us alot of money.
Essentially this arrangement didn't work. Instead of her telling me she found the situation tough and for me to look into alternative childcare which i had no problem doing, she started to attack me and cause a rift.
It started with her refusing to take DD anywhere, changing her clothes, not telling me what she did during the day minor things - pushing me out. it progressed and reached a point where i found it impossible to take when she said to me she "didn't give a shit if i miscarried, its not a big deal if i did" - I fell pregnant shortly after returning to work, and that no one gives a shit if i was pregnant or not, and refusing to let me use her toilet and saying she wished my bladder would explode in me.
After this, I put DD in nursery FT and things were very hostile.
As soon as i did this, she started being nice to me and wanting a relationship again - presumably because she had no way of seeing dd. we saw each other but I felt very hurt and upset that she never apologized for wishing miscarriage on me and saying those things.
My DH one day snapped when she came round to see dd and said unless she apologizes to me (for the away she treated me, refusing the toilet, msicarraige comment, saying it was stupid a mistake i was pregannt again, etc) she wasnt welcome in our home. she said she was sorry if I felt she said horrible things.
i would like to say dh and i are both in our 30s, we are homeowners, careers etc. we can afford two children and that wa sour plan all along.
When i was in labour, she refused to look after dd and said I was being stupid for wanting DH to be there for me for support, so we paid a friend to look after her. she said hurtful things about dc2's gender and name.
3 days after i gave birth, she wanted to see dd again (wasnt bothered agbout dc2), with my sister and nephew. My nephew although almost 15 acts very immature for his age runs around our house chasing the cat, teaching dd to put things in plug sockets, doesn't act calm or sits down. I said would it be possible for her and my sister to come up separately at first as I felt very anxious and overwhelmed by having alot of people around me in a very very small central London flat (5 adults, toddler, newborn and a cat in a tiny small space). All that fits in our living room is a sofa, tv and a toybox to tidy dd's toys. its tiny. i felt overhemled, anxous and was in alot of pain from having just gave birth.
She refused so I said fine, can you tell nephew to just be calm then? Again she refused, nephew can do what he likes, poor nephew he's just a little defenseless boy, and we ended up arguing.
DH got angry with her for putting me through more stress 3 days after i gave birth and said nephew should be acting more grown up instead of like a 4 year old, and what was wrong with him being told to be calm. he said (out of anger) there are teenagers his age - nearly 15 - who are having sex with each other, let alone him who is acting like an infant.
My mother has now said DH said nephew SHOULD be going out having sex and refuses to speak to him again - he never said that, i heard him, and we have not spoken since.
It's been 4 months.
she has since called everyday to try and "reconcile", every time we got to a point of reconciling, she says she's done nothing wrong, and refuses to apologize and the argument starts again.
Today she said I am a terrible mother, I have neglected dd1 by having dc2 so close together (2 year age gap), dd1 is suffering from my bad parenting and is clearly misbehaving as a result of my bad parebting (she pushed a child at nursery. once), and that she wants to cut me out of her life for good and wants her spare key back.
I am literally in shock as to why she keeps doing this to me.
its all come as such a shock as we used to be the best of friends up until i had my first child. then it all fell apart. My sister who we never really got on with each other, hasn't spoken to me in over a year anyway.
i dont know why im posting this to be honest.... I'm going to call the Samaritans to talk to someone.... just don't know how to carry on with life with this abuse on a daily basis.
i;m not a terrible mother. I love my children more than life itself. i would die for my kids. i would do anything for them. I'm not a bad mother. We got to play groups, we do painting, I kiss and cuddle them and tell them i love them everyday....why is she doing this.
I'm rambling now sorry.