my husband has just told me hes not sure how he feels about me anymore

[thatlldonicely]

please help - i dont know what to do - i feel as though my world is collapsing - i have just been to the drs to get my ADs upped and some sleeping tablets as i have not been sleeping. this all kicked off at the weekend after i questioned him yet again what was going on . He finally admitted he has been feeling this way for the past year and didnt want to admit to it. we have been here before 15 years ago and i was in a bad way. I am supposed to be hosting xmas day for us & his dad after his mum passed away in the summer. he said it is not related to this as he was feeling like this before. I have just spoken to my dad who was supposed to be here today to tell him not to come & he has told me i need to carry on for the kids. i have asked him to go as i cant function with him here but he wont as he says this will ruin the kids xmas. i have just asked him whether anything has changed since we have spoken and he says no. he doesnt want to do anything over xmas but whilst he is here its killing me

cherchez la femme

thanks for your replies - i did go out & his car was at his office - sat & waited for a while & thought what the hell am i doing here - so ive come back home- see im now questioning everything which i dont know if its normal behaviour under these circumstances or because my MH issues are kicking in. he was also away overnight last week & im now wondering if that was what he said it was. My dad is not at home - so cant go there- and we havent been sharing a bedroom for ages anyway - initially due to a non sleeping child & latterly cos i talk in my sleep - is this just another excuse. the kids are in their teens - they no something is not right - i have just tried to tell them that daddy is unhappy which is making me unhappy & they think its down to his mum

MFC - what do you mean - look for the OW?

Is he intending to cook Christmas dinner or is he expecting you to do it?

I agree with others you should go to your dad's with the kids.

It is simply vile of him to expect you to play act happy families after he's told you your marriage is over.

It doesn't really matter if there is an OW or not, he's not doing the husband thing. What is the point of going through the motions, your DC's are old enough to cope with this and will sense something is wrong anyway - if it's out in the open, it will actually be much better for them. Their christmas is already fucked by the atmosphere, lance the boil and be honest with them.

He's a right bastard by threatening to tell the kids it's your fault for kicking him out.

He doesn't want to move because he has a cosy life, not doing anything at home. And maintaining the image of the family man.
I bet he does have someone, but I bet he doesn't want to commit to her either. If you kick him out, she'll probably want to make it official.

Agree with pps. Stop doing things for him, and call his bluff. You decide if before or after Christmas.

It may be that the OW isn't yet ready to have him move in (maybe she has to go to her family for Christmas and can't change plans) so he wants to have Christmas at home before buggering off.

OP, he is following a classic cheater's script

Setting you up to fail, making you feel paranoid, telling you he "isn't sure" what he wants

It's like adultery 101, seriously. There will be another woman involved. He may be stalling for time a number of reasons but he is being very predictable, I am afraid.

hedging his bets I reckon

if you could, could you piss off with the kids to a relatives over Christmas?