Dh panders to FIL and it knocks me sick.

[Ohgrowspair]

Dh is currently down stairs busily making his df a sandwhich.

I can't stand his df. He is aggressive a bully and a fucking lech. He cheated on dh mother all through their marriage and now does it to his partner. He is a compulsive liar and a very dangerous man and he creeps me out. He blames his own fuck ups on every one else and bare face lies about it.

If he gets invited for tea he won't even turn up and will just have his phone off. Apparently he is going to take us for a meal on Christmas Eve and dh bought it again!

He is like a little boy always wanting to please him. Dh mother who idolises him to the point of obsession does not get near as much adoration as his df gets.

His df has slagged my dh to me when I first met him. Told me he reminded him of his own df who was a woman beater, peodophile and drown his wife's dog. I laughed in his face.

He has also made a inappropriate remark when he thought I was out of ear shot.

I can't stand him. He is down stairs now enjoying my heating and my Christmas food that we got today. Dh had already tried giving him his expensive Christmas present, but he wasn't interested , even though he asked for it. Said he hasn't got anywhere to put it. It's a fucking bottle of spirits.

He laughed hard the other day when my baby fell over and banged her head.

I don't know what to do about him coming over because I really can't physically stomach the man.

He sounds vile. Have you talked to dh about him?

I wouldn't have him in my home.

I have I some ways. Dh df are splitting assets and for some reason dh is supporting df by saying he deserves more! I've told him to keep his nose out .

Tonight he knock on the letterbox hard before walking in- he knew would be in bed and it would disturb them. He talks very loudly at foot of stairs too.

He said yesterday when apparently I was ruining dc (8m) by going to her whilst crying that he used to sit on mil to stop her going to her ds.

He has just left, surprisingly quietly.

What can I say. " dh , I can't stand your df, I truly feel it in my bones he is a bad person ."

I came to bed early because he told me something disgusting about a little girl that had been abused.

If my FIL was like that, I'd tell my wife that I don't want him in the house or I'd stay away and tell her to give me a ring once he's gone. On second thoughts, I'd just keep him out because I wouldn't want a turd like that having any influence on my kids.

What did he say about the little girl?

He sounds awful

How do you interact with him? Is it quite plain you don't like him? For example, when he made to comment about the girl being abused, did you pull him up on what he said? When he laughed at your dd hurting herself didyou tell him he was out of order?

Your dh sounds like he's got Stockholm syndrome.

When he laughed at dd banging head, dh had rushed to pick her up and said in a jokey way " Oi stop laughing at her" - It was meant to be jokey but I could tell dh was upset by this - not least dd!

I spoke to dh about it later.

When he made the comment about the little girl he was saying it as he was disgusted but it was a little too graphic. I told him that was horrible , packed my wrapping up and went upstairs. He knows I don't like him.

Dh just sent me a text asking me to come down and watch tv saying his dad had left now.

I can't understand why dh tolerates him but gives his mum so little disregard and she would crawl over broken glass for ds?

If he lies to me I've started pulling him on it. He hates it. I can see it in his eyes.

Ask him suppose it was the other way round? How would he like it?

What does your dh say about it?

Actually, why all this engagement and trying to understand? What effort is he making?

LTB

Yes, what has your DH said about why he lets his father behave like this in your home?

He sounds absolutely vile.
Why the fuck are you having to go upstairs (when hes around) like some bloody teenager.
This is your home and your DCs home as well as your DHs.

Dh just sent me a text asking me to come down and watch tv saying his dad had left now.

Why on earth would he text you rather than coming upstairs and talking to you?

If someone laughed at my baby hurting themselves they would not be welcome in my house again. He sounds awful.

Now will you all turn against the Op's husband?
His father sounds vile and abusive, it must be difficult for the husband to stand up to him, it is his own father after all.

OP I think that your H still tries to gain his fathers love and recognition after all these years.
He probably knows his mother loves him unconditionally.
I think your H needs help to recognise how toxic his father is. Maybe it is not as straight forward for him as it is for us on the outside.