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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Single and 2014 and all that

34 replies

stgeorgiaandthedragon · 21/12/2013 18:03

I admit it Xmas Blush I want to find a man this year. I am sick of being single. I want someone to have romantic walks with, weekends away with and have a family with (eventually!)

I really, really hate Internet dating but I guess I am going to have to - so give me your tips for best site, what to do, what not to do - I'm a bit out of practice last date was 2012

OP posts:
fluffyduckie · 21/12/2013 18:23

I have been single forever so no tips! I am really wary of internet dating. And am working on my shyness. last date was never

Everyone else seems to have someone or be happy being single.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 21/12/2013 18:26

Look up the dating thread on here a jump in with us. OD can be a bit arduous bit lots of success stories. I'm divorced but had more success with OD than other approaches. I got about a million messages from idiots but only went on one other date before I met someone I have been seeing about 3 months. It's going v well and I'm glad I did the OD it was easy Grin

IsTheGrassGreener · 21/12/2013 18:31

Same here, been single for ages. I also want to finally find a man in 2014. I've tried the online dating thing (one of the sites that charge users). The dates have been majoritively disappointing, though I have met a couple of interesting guys on there and am still friends with one of them. No success in the love department yet.

I am willing to give OD another go and will probably try a different site in the new year.

Original poster
stgeorgiaandthedragon · 21/12/2013 18:33

Which one were you on, Grass? I went on my single friend in 2012 but there were hardly any men!

OP posts:
DontstepontheBaubles · 21/12/2013 18:35

I'm on Match. I used to be on eharmony but I didn't have much luck on there tbh.

I've read a few books. I would love to meet someone. Last chap I dated from Match, I got to 8 dates before he went quiet but I had fun. In the NY I plan to up my game and date more. Been on my own 4 years now. 2014 definitely my year to meet someone. It has to be Smile

Good luck OP

IsTheGrassGreener · 21/12/2013 18:39

I was on eHarmony. There were definitely men on there, I had a lot of communication requests. However I am now living in the south west (midlands previously). Last time I logged on I had lots of matches in Wales or even further than that. Hardly anyone local to me.

I've been on quite a few dates though eH, and only one of the men turned out to be a creepy idiot. The rest were just not very interesting or I wasn't attracted to them in any way.

Vivacia · 21/12/2013 18:40

Wasn't there a programme a few years with a match maker who roped in all family and friends to set the victim up on dates with anyone they knew who was barely in the right sex and age group? Seemed to be a numbers game.

Saying that, the one friend-arranged, blind date I ever had was a complete disaster.

coffeeslave · 21/12/2013 18:42

OK Cupid worked for me, but IMHO you've got to put the time in - answer as many of their compatibility questions as you can (I think I answered over 500 over the years), go on lots of dates etc. But remain picky, you don't want to sell yourself short!

Original poster
stgeorgiaandthedragon · 21/12/2013 18:56

I think I'm still on ok Cupid but just got lots of 'hi" type messages!

OP posts:
ukalady · 21/12/2013 21:23

i know some one who goes on plenty of fish.com she hasnt met the one but goes on dates. maybe you could give it a try have you ever tried speed dating

NollaigShona2013 · 21/12/2013 22:39

sounds hell though ! Going on five hundred dates!

Ill be single forever as i can never take the risk of revealing i like somebody. Too mortifying.

Original poster
stgeorgiaandthedragon · 21/12/2013 22:42

I'm hoping to avoid the free sites, to be honest, I think I'll have to 'pay' to meet someone!

OP posts:
MadeMan · 21/12/2013 22:58

Brendan's Love Cruise.

Original poster
stgeorgiaandthedragon · 21/12/2013 23:08

?

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 21/12/2013 23:11

Ooh! Good thread OP- i feel exactly the same. Will rwad thread now.

MasterP0 · 21/12/2013 23:46

If you're going to try OD, my advice is that you have thick skin, it can sometimes be soul destroying, but sometimes the people you meet May become life long friends!

I've tried:

eHarmony, cost too much money and I wasn't getting a return on my investment!
Match: went on a few dates off there, all of them had issues and misrepresented themselves.
MatchAffinity: only 1 date off that, my beauty therapist met her DP off there.
POF: I've had many dates off here, finally thought I'd met a FANTASTIC guy, dated for 4 months, went on 10 dates before getting intimate, all going rather well, he says on what was to be our last meeting he wants us to be exclusive etc, then disappears!

I've not been put off, I'm on a mission to meet someone, it was my 2013 resolution, it will continue into 2014!

GOOD LUCK

MadhbhTheRave · 22/12/2013 12:30

The pay up sites, do they take women over forty?
Im 43 in good nic, exercise, stay healthy, have my own house, life , job etc but apparently, even a man of 55 wouls want somebody younger, so the sites that take a fee might have fewer players but they are deluded owlfellas. So ive heard. Maybe i have just given up!!

DontstepontheBaubles · 22/12/2013 12:40

Yes they do. I had a date with a 48 year old last week.

MasterP0 · 22/12/2013 14:05

Mad don't give up!

I went on a date with a guy who on his profile said he's 40, when he turned up he was more 60 than 40, I stupidly didn't ask how old his pix were!!!!!!!!

HanselandGretel · 22/12/2013 16:20

I've tried paid and free sites and my experience is there are timewasters on both! Also some of the paid sites seem 'busy' until you actually pay the subscription then once on there it seems it's a lot of 'hi' type messages that go nowhere as the other member is not fully paid up.
All in all I am sticking with the free site as I have had a good few successful dates and second, third dates as well. Usually find we have nothing in common by then but am still holding out hope for 2014!

@MasterPO - that's very cheeky of him, I do usually ask for extra pics if they have only one on or it's a 'far away' one where he may as well be a sheep on a mountainside! If a guy turned up looking twenty years older I would have tell him right off!

WinterBlondie83 · 22/12/2013 23:29

I tried Match and was just after some companionship really.
Went on quite a few dates and met some interesting guys (some not so interesting!) Some were very keen, some disappeared too....!

I agree, don't give up! Put yourself out there and resond to emails. I would say try not to jump in too deep, too quickly. I did this once and felt like shit for a while when he disappeared. Just try to have fun with the whole experience, let things progress steadily without rushing etc.

Oh and don't hesitate to initiate contact with someone whether it's a wink or email etc. I know women who always wait to be contacted and not the other way around.

I decided to do this and winked at a guy I thought was cute. He is now my husband and he often says how thankful he is that I winked at him all those years ago Grin

Keep at it and most importantly have fun and enjoy it!

MasterP0 · 22/12/2013 23:44

Oh the stories I could tell, my friends have been begging me for years to write a book!

  1. The guy who neglected to tell me he was missing a foot;
  2. The guy who turned up with a chaperone ;
  3. I've had two "dates" with guts who lied about their ages!

IVe also met some wonderful Guys who've become close friends, who I adore but we're just not compatible as couples!

I take it all with a pinch of salt, and I believe he is out there!

Admittedly I'm currently licking my wounds from a failed relationship, (refer to POF ref in my earlier post) but I'm back online chatting!

I too find that the free ones tend to generate more dates as I also thought the paid ones would generate a different calibre of men, how wrong was I???? But you just never know, refer to MatchAffinty quote in my earlier post, my beautician and her man are very happy and have just celebrated their 1st anniversary!

Bant · 23/12/2013 00:54

Join the dating thread on here, lots of people in the same boat. Advice, support and guidance for OD and real life dating. It looks a bit cliquey but everyone's welcome to jump in, and there's usually someone in the same situation

Contrarian78 · 23/12/2013 15:01

Neglected to tell you he was missing a foot?!?!?!??

Unless he claimed to have a 14 inch penis (and was missing a foot) then I can't see that would matter. Certainly it's not something I'd put on an online dating profile, or perhaps even mention on a first date. It just wouldn't be the most interesting thing about me.

MadhbhORave · 23/12/2013 17:21

I'd be angrier about the age lie. The guy with no foot could be lovely but as "do you have two feet?" isn't a question he was asked, he didn't lie. With age though, it's a deliberate attempt to deceive.

MasterPO, what did you do ? I'd just say good evening I think. Being lied to before you've even said hello is a turn off.