Feeling lonely within marriage

[nosextoday]

Dh and I get along okay but there is no intimacy or emotional depth in our marriage

He's hopeless if I'm ever down or need to talk properly about something, so we just stick to the usual domestic conversations about the dcs and running the house. I'm so lonely. I have literally nobody to talk to. No family or friends that I can talk in depth with.

I just feel as though I'm going through the motions with the help of antidepressants.

I would describe him as a friend but he's not even that anymore it's more like a colleague relationship now. At least with a friend you can be honest.

I know people will say LTB but I don't want to be involved with anyone else and don't really want to be by myself. He does some DIY and it's company of sorts I suppose.

He is a very unemotional person and emotions seem to scare him because he used to get all stressed if I used to get upset about anything so now I just don't bother.

I feel like a robot Sometimes I feel as though I should wake myself up and reconnect with myself as an emotional being but I don't feel I can do that because I'd then feel sad as I can't afford to indulge in those feelings anymore.

I think you should try to get some counselling for yourself. A good counsellor should help you explore your feelings and reconnect/nuture yourself- you will have about an hour each session to just talk about yorself with an empathetic listener. You sound very down and trapped in the fog which means it is difficult to motivate yourself to change.

Could your GP refer you for counselling or look at changing your meds to make you feel more positive?

I know you say you don't want to separate but would you consider some time apart? In my experience this really allows you to 'find yourself' and start remembering who you were without this 'housemate' for a husband scenario.

I know it's not easy- perhaps some space apart and some counselling.

I definitely agree with exploring this more, at least on your own in counseling. With no emotional support or intimacy you can end up in a passive, disconnected state to cope. I wouldn't leave before exploring all your thoughts and feelings because despite the current state of affairs in your marriage your Zombie Marriage may come back from the dead. If you start to change and become more alive and connected you may be able to see more clearly what it is you really want.

I can't afford anywhere else to live at the moment. I did have counselling (CBT) a couple of years ago and it really helped me resolve some other issues I had been having all my life. I feel trapped and I realise the only thing I can really do is get out of it. If I do reconnect with myself then it means I'll wake up and see how crap my marriage is. The only reason I'm experiencing these feelings now is because my last script for anti depressants were for a brand I hadn't had before and I think they were rubbish because I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

I'm back on my usual brand now but they haven't kicked in yet and I'm going around feeling really depressed. Dh has asked me what's wrong, but I can't tell him. I can tell he just wants me restored back to my Stepford Wife drugged persona. His family are coming to visit over Christmas and I need to get back into my box. I can't afford to be feeling like this.