DH and alcohol

[SanityClause]

DH has, by his own admission, used alcohol as a comfort since he was about 10. He used to gulp sherry out of his parents' drinks cabinet. There are lots of issues from his childhood which caused this.

Recently, I have noticed that he was drinking a lot more - we seemed to be getting through a lot of spirits.

Last night, he came home steaming drunk, and was particularly obnoxious, and my three DC witnessed this, despite my attempts to usher him off to bed.

This morning, he has taken full responsibility, he has admitted he has a problem, and has apologised to all of us, and announced that he intends to stop drinking. He intends to get counselling, about his issues from his childhood, from which we believe his problems arise.

So far, so good.

I want to support him. Does this mean I need to stop drinking, too? I currently drink one bottle of wine a week, spread out over the weekend (starting Friday evening) and sometimes have, say, a gin and tonic on a weekend afternoon.

Once his issues are resolved, will he realistically be able to start drinking in moderation again?

Any other insights would also be welcome.

I would say from experience of growing up with an alcoholic father in recovery that you will have to give up drinking around him for now and certainly not have alcohol in the house.

In the future I think you may be able to drink around him and have wine in the house as he becomes more stable in his sobriety but I don't think he'll be able to drink again without it spiraling out of control again.

Perhaps you should try attending an al-anon meeting to get support from other people in the same situation.

Unfortunately, I can sympathise with your OH.
My childhood revolved around my parents drinking from the minute the pubs opened(and in those days opening hours weren't what they are now) and finishing off at home with the odd child bashing to act as an aperitif, and it seemed the norm that problems were solved by opening another bottle.
I realised quite quickly that drinking to drown your problems ISN'T the norm but even now I drink more than I should when I feel down. I don't get drunk as such but as I spend probably 95% of my time on my own it's too easy to have a small drink which becomes another small drink .....and on, and on it goes.

Some people comfort eat - I comfort drink which I always hate myself for the next day. Not that I get drunk or aggressive. I don't get hangovers as I don't really drink to the level that would involve that, but I can't seem to leave it alone. I tell myself I should have not given in but I guess the will power isn't there.

Whether you need to stop drinking in front of him is a decision only you can make. If you think that you not drinking in front of him will help him in his struggle to stop, then you need to decide whether you want that ( and reading your post I guess you do for your sake and the sake of your children).

I can only wish you luck and a strong will

As far as I know, having drinks readily available is not a good thing for an alcoholic.
But he will always be able to buy them for himself, so maybe just not on his face.

Is he getting help to stop drinking, such as AA, or even the GP?

You should contact Al-Anon to help you.

I would stop as well at least untill hes strong enough.

My dp gave up drinking over 20 years ago but never wanted me to stop ad I wouldn't have tbh. We stopped raucous parties initially but now we have a very full social life and all our mates drink round him and he doesn't mind at all.

Sorry, i had to pop out. Thanks for the responses.

inneed, he doesn't usually binge drink. He usually does what you describe. Normally, the only time he binge drinks is at Christmas. I asked him today why this was; what the trigger was. He does struggle at Christmas, but also, we usually get together socially with a couple who, I would say, are functioning alcoholics. That's what happened yesterday. I had to leave early, and he got rat arsed with them.

That has only happened maybe 10 or 20 times during our more than 20 year relationship, though, and more times in the early years than latterly.

I used to drink unhealthily and could be a nightmare on occasion for DW. (I was self-medicating mood disorder I now know). Anyway I gave up 6 years ago. A bit tough at first, but fine and now very easy. I don't think I was a typical alcoholic (whatever that is) but I had an unhealthy relationship with the drink. DW never stopped drinking and if anything now drinks more (tho not in the damaging way I did). We have always had booze around the house and oddly I have not found that a major problem. I think it very much depends on the individual and the nature of their alcohol problem. For me it was very much, though belatedly, an active and positive choice on my part to change the way I lived. If he needs you to stop to help him, then that might be kind, but as I say that will depend on his particular issue with booze.

Thanks, Angus.

I don't think DH is a "typical" alcoholic, either. But, he acknowledges, like you, that he has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

We do have rather a houseful of alcohol, at the moment, being Christmas. I didn't drink anything yesterday, to bear him company. I'm not really sure what to do in the next few days. I'll have to talk to him about it.

We did discuss whether I should make any brandy butter. He decided that he didn't think it was much of a risk!