Husband had affair . I discover I'm pregnant and now friend will not speak to me

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Ok I posted back in oct as I discovered msg on my husband phone to a women we both know. He denied anything physical ever happened and said it was just txt and she also said the same thing. I wanted to split but he refused to move out and I had nowhere else to go. Amongst all the arguing and fighting I discover I am pregnant . I had a miscarriage back in July whilst on holiday and had a awful time with it. Even though the timing isn't great I am not upset about the pregnancy. Following this we had decided to give it another go and I have laid out some ground rules . I told my two closest friends. 'A' says she will support me no matter what and is happy if I am happy . B says she's upset for me.
I had a scan few days back and I found a heartbeat. Text both friends . A said she's really pleased for me and b has completely ignored me since . She knows what an awful time I had with the miscarriage but she can't even reply. My other friend said 'b' is angry with me for staying with my husband .
Any advice ?

A true friend should be there to support you through the good and bad times, she may not approve of your choice but she has no right to judge or be angry at you.

Agree with what doas said. Real friends don't judge you - they're there for you no matter what.

Congratulations!
B needs to grow up.

Yes a real friend would support you
My friend s dh likes to binge drink, batter her and chase other women.
Do I turn my back on her when she gives him yet another chance, no of course not, ill be here till the bitter end because I care about her.
What you do is your choice about your life, if it does all go tits up, you can bet her being the first one saying I told you so.

Your at a time in your life when you will find out who your true friends are.

Some friendships are conditional...some are not.

My best friend has made some ridiculous choices but I love her unconditionally so im still her friend. But maybe B just isn't capable of supporting you in your choices.

She's entitled not to support your choices.

Best of luck with your pregnancy & I hope everything works out well for you.

Ok I'm going agaisnt the grain here a bit and I don't mean to be a cow, but have you used her as a sounding board maybe a bit too often? It can be draining supporting a friend who (as she may see it) keeps making the same mistakes. Maybe she hasn't the strength for more 'drama' and is looking for a breather. Not very admirable of her, admittedly but it might be an explanation, especially if she has troubles of her own

Sorry so busy slapping you down I didn't congratulate you - wishing you the best with your new baby

Congratulations.

B is free to decide that she doesn't want to continue offering her support. You are free to decide she's no longer a friend. No drama is required.

Are you sure your friend actually got your text?

As she's at least been honest with you about her misgivings, I accept it's probably more likely that she's not replying, but not all remote communications reach their intended destinations and I wouldn't write her off yet until you've checked that.

Neither would I judge her too harshly. It's possible she's saying what your other friend also thinks and if they've seen you go through this trauma when your husband didn't even have the decency to leave and give you some breathing space, they are no doubt worried for you and especially concerned that if you weren't pregnant and he had somewhere to go, this relationship would be over.

Check if the text was received and give your friend a bit of time to sort her own feelings out, would be my advice. It's very hard as a friend if you're used as a sounding board and have seen the pain at first hand, to be instantly supportive of what you think is the wrong decision. She might in time be able to support you again, but if you've involved her in all the griefy stuff, she might have misgivings for some time. If she's been a good friend on the whole and has supported you through this crisis, cut her some slack now. I expect it's only because she cares about you.

I can think that my friends make bad decisions - or good ones.
I can think that they ought to do this - or that.
I can advise, listen, sometimes even ignore or block my ears for everyone's own good.
That's what friendship demands.
But I can never be angry at what a friend chooses to do, think, wear, vote for or argue against. I don't have that right and neither does anyone.

"b" is not a friend if she is "angry" with you for your decision to stay with your husband. It's none of her business how you choose to go forward in your life. She may think you unwise (and she can say so) but she has no right to be "angry" and there is no real social framework for that to happen - or matter. It's your life and your decision.

I get angry with the government sometimes and sometimes I laugh or cry at the things my friends do - but I can't be angry with them because our lives are our own.

Good luck with baby - no crazy names allowed !!

I can't understand why important stuff is done through text? Call her.

Could it be that she just can't cope with all the drama and expects all this to come crashing really badly?

I don't know about her life, but some people may find it too much to support a friend through a difficult break up only to find out that they have gone back to their OHs and are in the car crash position of having a baby with this person.
She probably got really angry with your OH on your behalf and cannot simply be happy for you right now.

Thank you for all your replies . To be honest I have used 'a' as more of a sounding board as she is more mature. I'm not really a needy friend and tend to keep a lot of stuff to myself. It's bothered me as 'b' can be quite a hypocrite. She isn't happy in her relationship and has cheated on her partner several times but will dismiss it as a bit of fun!

I remember your other thread and I can totally see why 'B' is upset for you. Given how he treated you I would be too.

Are you still paying 80% of the bills and having to ask for money every day?

No things have improved and we have made new fairer arrangements. I don't expect her to like him but to be there for me .

The only "correct" response to your news is "Congratulations! Fabulous News!" Your friend perhaps feels that if she can't honestly give this response she'd be better off saying nothing. I'd give her a chance - it's not unreasonable of her to be unenthusiastic about you having this man's baby and being tied to him irrevocably.

I completely get that but i want her to be happy that the baby looks to be healthy and I hopefully won't have to go through another miscarriage if that makes sense?

Sounds like you're in an abusive relationship then. Things never 'improve' with those. I can understand why she's frustrated with you but if so she's doing the right thing for the moment steering clear of you and being silent. She'll probably be there for you when it all goes tits up again.

Agree with twinkle. Sometimes it is hard to stand by when you watch friends run head first into complicated situations. It sounds like your DH treated you appalingly.

I would leave it for now. When the baby's born maybe drop her a text.

Maybe she feels that by supporting you she's actually enabling. I've been in a similar situation. To be honest I just found it very wearing to spend a lot of time giving advice that is then ignored and feel like I have to play some charade of how the dh is now great when I know he's an arse. Sorry to be blunt but that's how I felt. if she wa telling you to get out and you didn't then maybe she doesn't know what to say anymore.

Believe me I do not sit and sing his praises! We have got a long way to go before I can trust him again and time will tell. He has treated me in an awful way but for me it's worth trying again for us and our 2 dc. That is my decision and if it all blows up in my face then I've been a fool and I wil accept that

Give her time, then in a few months text her I miss you or something.

Just accept people have their own issues and sometimes you just have to move on and let them make their own decisions no matter how hurtful they may be.

I lost friends when I cancelled my divorce and decided to make a go of things with DH. I was hurt by it, but I'm philosophical. I've made new friends since, and I don't miss them.

Forgiving an affair is one thing - but staying with an abuser and having more children with him is quite another.

Strange. Who are you to sit and judge me and my situation . Would you be this condescending to a friend who's also had a really shit time which none of it was her fault???