AIBU to expect more than this...

[Lonely398]

I am currently on Mat leave and my DD is 19weeks old. My DP works full time but it 8 times out of 10 home late from work (I'm talking anything from 30mins-2hours late). He works shifts ranging from 4am starts to midnight finishes. Now, I totally understand that sometimes his job can be demanding but nothing excessive. I just feel he can do more to help when he's at home in an evening or on day off.

Let me give you yesterday and today as examples:

(FYI, DD generally sleeps through although wakes sometimes, no night feeds though).

Yesterday - DP working 9am-6pm. I got up at 6.45am with DD as usual, fed, changed and dressed ready for the day. DP stayed in bed until 7.45 (Had been off the day before). I played with DD until 8.10 when I had asked if he could sit with her so I could get washed and ready quick before he left the house as 8.45. He said yes. He then left for work after that and got home at 6.45pm. He gave her a bath when he got home but that was all.

Today - 5am-2pm shift. DP obviously already out of the house before DD got up (6am today). DP late home - arrives at 4pm. Gives DD a cuddle and says he's going for a bath (which is fine, he's had a long day). He then gave her a feed. And that's all.

Usually, if he does her bedtime, then I get bottles ready, wash up and tidy up ready for the next day. But after I put DD to bed (baring in mind he had said he would get bottles ready to be sterilised), I came down to find the living room in a total mess, washing up still to do and bottles nowhere near ready to be done. As I'm trying to tidy up, DD is crying, I go up twice to see to her. DP asks why I am rushing around (9pm by this time), my reply - I would like to sit down and have 5 mins to myself before I go to bed.

He is now in bed (since 9.15) and I have just sat down.

AIBU to expect a little more help? Even just picking toys etc up off the floor? I just feel so lonely, I rarely feel like I get adult conversation from him, never asks how I am etc.

Sorry for rant, thanks if you've actually sat through and read it all!

Think you need to tell him what you'd like him to do to help, nice and clearly. If he's anything like my DH he just isn't notice mess etc in the way I do, so I just ask him to do stuff - otherwise resentment builds up and you'll be irritated as hell and he'll wonder why you're annoyed. Just talk, it's a big adjustment having a child and so keep the communication going, you'll both have different ideas of which jobs are important.

This isn't on, and taking care of the home and his daughter shouldn't be seen as "helping you".

For the times he's at home during normal hours say, "x, y and z need doing. Which are you going to do?". When you sit down, you should both sit down.

The missing hours are a worry what's he doing? If he has two hours to himself, do you get two hours too?