Please can I quietly rage?

[FuntimeFuschia]

This is going to make me sound INSANE, and I appreciate I may be heading that way but I really need to vent.

So I had a thread on here in September about my discovery of H's affair and subsequently chucking him out. People were fabulous and I had loads of brilliant advice and support, for which I am eternally grateful.

Things have chugged along since then, true to form the contact with the DC has lessened a bit, he's pissed around with maintenance a couple of times, all stuff I was expecting tbh.
I discovered the OW on FB pretty soon after I threw him out, and embarrassingly have become a little obsessive about checking her FB page. At first I wasn't 100% sure it was her but now it definitely is. One of the reasons I was unsure was because this girl has a daughter, which I naively thought he would have mentioned. I happened to drive past the three of them holding hands and playing happy families a couple of weeks ago :( Apparently he didn't think it was any of my business (it's not, but it is my business if my DC see that, we live in a fairly small town) and we had a MEGA bust up.

After this I pretty much have given up with him, told him I don't have the energy left to argue and things became much more civil, I even got an apology. This week he has text me to say he can't give me any money because he's spent it all xmas shopping. So being reasonable I think ok fair enough, he will give me double next week.

Silly me goes onto OW's FB just now, and there's a pic of her brother wearing a jumper which apparently my husband got him for xmas!! He can't give me any money for our DC upkeep but he can buy his fucking girlfriends brother a FUCKING XMAS PRESENT! And I can't even have a cathartic pop at him because he'll know I'm a crazy FB stalker, and I know EXACTLY who she is.

I am exhausted and weary of holding this all together. The brother referred to 'OW'S boyfriend' and I just want to bellow 'he is not her boyfriend! He is married!'

AAARGH

I feel so sorry for you I really do.
But you have to block her. And anyone else related to their situation.
Yes, you have to.
Think of it as a Christmas present to yourself.

That's shit - rage away to us.

I agree with the advice to block them on FB though, don't torture yourself. Has maintenance been arranged through the CSA?

It sounds like you had a lucky escape .

OH gawd how awful but tbh you're going to read a lot more of this on FB so if I was you I'd not waste my time, you will drive yourself mad, you knew and now know he's going to stall at every opportunity when it comes to money, just don't prolong your agony by looking up her statuses etc.

Sounds like you are well rid of a horrible man.

I blocked on Facebook too but I was told via a third party that the OW was announcing my DH as her new DP....and I wanted to bellow that 'he's actually married to me' too!

It sounds an absolute love match though. He told me himself that it was a 'pragmatic choice' as it was near his work. She invited him to move in after their third date and not only is he living there rent and bill free, he's also told me recently that she is 'propping him up' financially.

Love's young dream eh? What a catch he is. Still, the bulk of his money, apart from a bit of spending money, gets paid into my account to run the household and deal with the ax figure debt he's built up. Perhaps I should send her a nice note for contributing to my children's financial security...

I almost feel sorry for her but since I actually spelt out our financial situation directly to her face, I don't think I can. She's in her mid 40's with a professional job....I'm at a loss, honestly.

That's 'six figure debt', just to clarify....

Oh good, I'm glad you don't all think I'm a complete nutter :)

I know, I know. I need to block. It's just horribly addictive knowing a little bit about his 'fabulous' new life, and I'm yet to see what was worth throwing away our marriage for...I don't want him back, don't get me wrong, but I'm massively resentful that I'm left dealing with all the SHIT, with ensuring the DC have a roof over their head, dealing with the nightmares and bad behaviour and the endless questions, having to explain the situation to his friends and family because he's not bothered doing it himself, and the list is endless.

Generally speaking I'm pretty upbeat, honest, but I am feeling very lonely at the moment. Have had a couple of drunken snogs since it all happened, neither of which have amounted to anything so feeling a bit past it and frumpy. I suppose Christmas looming isn't helping either.

And I am SO pissed off about the money thing. It's not done via CSA, if it was I'd be getting less than I do now, and I understand about being broke the week before Christmas, but maybe then you don't spend your money on your bit-on-the-sides brother?! He never bought my brother a present!

He is such a twat.

I know exactly what you mean about being left to carry on living a life that has been discarded by someone you loved and trusted.

His 'fabulous new life' is a facade, much like my DH's. Don't give it the dignity of trying to find out more about it. Your best 'revenge' is honestly not giving a shit.

On the few occasions my 6 year old DD has gone to visit, instead of him spending some quality time with her, the childless OW has invited her 1 and 9 year old niece and nephew and they've gone on a day out like a pretend family. I really don't get it at all....

funtime you really should register with CSA anyway. Because anytime soon he will stop being 'generous' and paying you more than he has to.

If he is decent and understanding he will continue to pay you what he is, despite you being sensible and going through the CSA - ie he doesn't have to only pay you what the CSA calculates, he can pay you whatever he feels his children need and deserve.

But when he stops doing this which, by the sound of it, he will (nonsense xmas jumpers blah blah) you will already have the CSA thing in place.

Be bold. Be bloody. And be sorry for the poor bloody woman he's latched onto. She's on a hiding to nothing.