what's OD like for women?

[Ginocchio]

I'm just wondering how online dating looks from the other side...

I've been online dating for about 6 months now. I've been through more than one site, I haven't been too picky (no, that sounds wrong - I mean I'm realistic - not just trying to get in touch with 21 year old models...), i make sure we have something in common to start from, and I never send a copy & pasted message or a 'how's you?'. My pictures are ok (no sunglasses in sight). I've even had my profile checked by you lovely vipers in the past and tweaked it accordingly.

And yet.... nothing. I don't just mean that I haven't found a long term partner, or even been on a date. I mean that I haven't had a single person reply or get in touch.

ok, that's not quite true - I've had a number of porn bots, a ladyboy and a woman with some rather interesting views about immigrants in her profile....

I've tried sincere, funny, funny-sincere, quirky, self-deprecating, (but not self-defecating as my phone suggests - can't see that working often...), even cheesy. Not that I'm trying to put on an act - they're all still me .

I'm not desperate to meet someone - and I don't think that comes across in my messages, but, y'know, it'd be nice to go for a drink with someone some time.

So I'm interested to know - are there so many men online that you just get overwhelmed by them, or what? is there any approach that's more likely to get you to respond, or pick someone out?

I found it pretty much the same. I changed the tone of my profile several times (over about a year, not weekly), changed photos, etc. I would get young men wanting sex, but that was about it.

Yeah, I definitely haven't had any young women wanting sex...

Do you ever contact men first, or do you mainly wait for them to get in touch with you?

hmmm, not sure.
Maybe its a combination of many factors, not to do with you but just OD in general.
Iv never done it myself, everyone I know who has done it has not ended up in any kind of relationship, so why bother.
And I guess I am just too lazy to bother to meet up with strangers, all that having to make polite conversation, tme (thats a new acronym I just made up, too much effort)
Maybe OD is not as popular as is made out, I have heard before many profiles are fake, made up by the companies who run the sites.

But still, try messaging women who sound like you might get on with them?

How old are you?

If under 45ish have you tried Tinder? You can only chat with people who 'like' your photos back, therefore you are not just blindly messaging people whose type you may not be...

nice I've started using it recently. it's a bit buggy (had my age as 113 for a while), but yes, it's a good idea in theory - not had a match yet, but I'm guessing there are a lot of men on there for women to get through (and I'm over 30, so probably less likely to show up in someone's search).

I think the only people who end up with lots of dates in OD are predatory men and vulnerable women. If you're in neither of those categories I reckon meeting people through shared interests is a better plan.

(As I always think it is tbh)

Vey positive OD experience for me. Had a few good dates with men. And 18 months ago met my fiancé on line. He's my soul mate and as a divorcee I was adamant I wouldn't marry again and thought OD wasnt for me and yet here i am getting married last year and we're very happy.(despite having a miscarriage a few weeks ago)

I always went for profiles of genuine looking and sounding blokes and talked to them on the phone beforehand

Here's to finding your ideal woman

That should say getting married next year

I have just started OD (as a 40 something man) and am really enjoying it. I think a lot is to do with expectations - I just want to meet a few people, perhaps make some new friends and see if something more develops. I don't really expect to meet the love of my life although it is a possibility - so it is all quite exciting. Do not expect too much from it and you can't be disappointed - for one thing I really enjoy a drink and a chat and this is one way of doing that on a regular basis.

To the O/P I would say;
make sure you have a good profile picture that presents you in a good light
join a site that you have to pay to join - the people on there will actually want / expect to go on dates
expect / want to meet women who are around the same age as you
get straight to the point and ask to see someone you are interested in - if they say no they say no - move on.

At my age, with my work and child care comittments, I don't get into the sort of social situations very often where I can meet eligable women. OD takes the guess work out of it - the women want to meet men and vice versa.

Do you have hobbies and interests also how are you physically? Do you have good photos of yourself on your profile?

OD is a meat market really as you are over 30 I am surprised you have had no interest at all. I have been told OD favours young women and men in their 30s and 40s.

If you're a man, being over 30 won't be putting women off at all.

Can you get a friend to take a very honest look at your profile picture? It's unusual not to get any responses, I would imagine.

I liked OD. Yes there are people who bore you or you find unattractive, but there are also lots of people who you could plausibly meet through shared interests, parties etc if diaries and fates aligned a little differently.

I tried Match earlier this year. It was first time OD for me, so I decided not to approach anyone - just put up a genuine profile and see what happened.
I can only share my "rules" for replying...
Ignored any "hello" / "want to chat" / "like your profile" /how's your day" stuff. I only replied if someone picked up something from my profile to speak about.

How many photos do you have up? I went on one date, and he said he almost didn't contact me as I broke his rule of not having more than one photo.

My friend had bugger all interest for 3 months then wham 2 worth meeting in one weekend.
Come to think of it... though I didn't meet them, I had similar over a shorter timescale - you think, this isn't for me, then I had 3 in one day that caught my eye enough to reply.

Unless it's doing your head in - keep it up!

Thanks for replies.

Yes, I've got decent pics - close up / headshots, full length, one in a group to show I have friends. No awkward ones with my kids in, none of me looking like a drunken tosser, no mirror-selfie-topless shots. Some MNetters did look a while back, and the consensus was positive.

Yes, I'm on Match (paid), POF, okc, and Tinder (albeit the last one only recently).

I'm pretty easy going about age, so searching about 5 yrs younger to 7 years older.

I don't have any expectations from it - it's just starting to get to me a little that nobody responds. A drink and chat would be fine. Like you, ElBurro, work and childcare mean that it's not easy to find time to go out and meet people.

I do have a hobby which I go out and do, but unfortunately so does ExP (that's how we met), and although we manage not to cross paths, our town is quite small and everyone who does the hobby knows everyone iykwim, so dating someone else from the group would be... awkward...

Maybe I do just need to accept that it's probably not going to happen, and stop being bothered about it.

Don't miss out cos of the awkward social group thing! Probably not as awkward as you think. If you fancy someone there, ask them out!

I'm probably not the best person to ask, having just been dumped in a crappy way by a man I met OD'ing.

I think women generally get lots of messages, but mostly of the 'hi' kind, from men who are obviously a bit odd or pervy, or both. A decent message from a normal bloke is rare.

I won't be doing it again after this experience, but I know people who've had some success with it, so unless it's getting you down, persevere for a bit. But also explore any and every opportunity you get to meet women in RL, via social events, sports clubs or whatever. Good luck!

Cabrinha no, it really would be. ExP is much more involved in the hobby locally, knows everyone & in particular anyone of our age (most are a lot older), and because of what she does in the hobby, everyone wants to keep her onside. I know more people from around the country, but it's difficult to meet up.

(don't hobbies sound weird when you're trying not to say what it is...)

We didn't even have a work Christmas party this year, so I didn't get a chance to embarrass myself by trying to chat up the (attractive, single) girl from the other office...

I'm a 30-something woman trying OD and am slightly underwhelmed by the number of approaches I'm getting - I was actually wondering the exact same thing in reverse earlier! I was thinking that the men must be inundated with pretty-looking women hence I wasn't getting a look-in...
Like you, I have nice pictures and a friendly profile. I don't think I sound strange or unusual. I have talked about my 20 mo DS which I assume is putting some off (but figured no point in hiding the fact I am a mother as obviously it's going to crop up at some point..)
I'm on eHarmony, which I totally assumed was for pensioners (!) but I know a couple who met and got engaged on it (and they're a great couple) so I thought I'd give it a whirl...
Anyway, so to cut through the waffle - my experience so far is much like yours! So it doesn't seem to be a gender thing.
So good luck . If you are a decent guy in your thirties I am sure you'll be snapped up soon! (That sounds awful but you know what I mean).

It could be because you are in a small town, different dating sites can have more or less usage outside of big cities.

You could try expanding your range or try other dating sites.

I think you may have to do chasing rather than waiting to be chased!!!

OP, you sound like a nice bloke, with a good sense of humour. Someone will come along, maybe look a Guardian - I know of quite a few who have met partners on there, some relationships went on for a few years and didn't work out and 2 others I know are now living with their partners.

Not sure if it depends on where you are? I did it at 26 living in London...three weeks in I'd been.on 3-4 dates and then met (now) DH.

I know you said that you're in a small town, so it may just be that there is a smaller pool. I also have to.confess that I didn't send any messages, only received. It's great that you're talking about specifics than just sending random 'hello' type messages. Try not to be too specific as some women might get a bit creeped out.

Finally, if your profile describes you then stick with it. Changing it to get more responses may work in the short term but are those women just interested in an illusion? The right one will come along and be worth.waiting for. Don't get disheartened and try not to get too obsessed by the search. Good luck

OD is a meat market. Faithless husbands, sex addicts, losers and randy young blokes just, 'looking for a bit'. On line chat becomes sexual within 2 sentences. Even without a photo on your profile they remark on your attractiveness. What ?

There is a method of contacting all women on the site with a, 'flirt cast' i.e. select a search criteria then send the same, 'Hi there' type message sent to all in that criteria.

Photos of blokes are as sexual as they can get away with on their public profile. Or worse still, a close up of some old blokes fly.

Blokes on, 'Click and Flirt' seem to think they are getting a prostitute. They would get more satisfaction from a prostitute/lap dancer/massage with a happy ending, they are just to proud to admit that's what they need. There's a 'meet for sex' pressure of expectation.

They nag and whine for a photo. If they have a cam, it doesn't take long for the content to get sexual.

Frankly, FWIW, you might as well meet someone in RL rather than some crappy little bastard OD.