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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Got a real mess on my hands...

9 replies

lemmingcurd · 19/12/2013 21:02

further to last week's post STBXH has continued to confuse the DCs about where they will be living and refuses to see what effect his actions are having on our DS in particular. DS is absolutely adamant now that he wants to return to H's country to live, and is behaving like crap - throwing things, shouting and screaming and calling everybody names. DS is 8. The other 2 DCs will be staying with me and are perfectly happy about it (youngest is only 2).
What the hell do I do now

OP posts:
FloWhite · 19/12/2013 21:08

Understand that your DS is being manipulated by his father and he is too young to know it. He's going to be feeling very scared and insecure at the moment.

Let him calm down then hold him and tell him you both love him and you will sort this out because that's what mummy's and daddy's do when they can't be together any more.

I didn't read your other thread so apologies but have you consulted a solicitor because you need someone detached but fighting your corner.

foolonthehill · 19/12/2013 21:09

Sorry i don't know your back history but GET LEGAL ADVICE. In this country one parent is not allowed to remove a child from their other parent without extremely good reason.

foolonthehill · 19/12/2013 21:11

PS don't feel that this is your son's true wish...it will be part of his wish but he will be being manipulated. In your hurt at his apparent "choice" don;t reject him. He needs you. Fight for him

Twinklestein · 19/12/2013 21:12

You cannot let your 8 year old son take responsiblity for the decision to move to another country when he's been manipulated by his father.

Tell your son that you and the children will live together as a family, and daddy will come and visit.

Of course he's going to be upset that you & your partner are splitting, you just have to accept that and comfort him the best you can.

Original poster
lemmingcurd · 19/12/2013 21:18

Yes sorry the story is v v long ... I have taken legal advice already and was waiting to see if we could do things amicably but clearly not. He is supposed to be taking the older dcs to his country on Monday for Xmas. I agreed only because I knew how disappointed the older 2 would be not to see their rels at Xmas. Thing is DS is completely unmanageable and has started kicking me , throwing furniture around etc. He does this regularly. I tried exactly what previous poster suggested i. e. reassurring and hugging, telling him everything will be fine and exactly when he'll be seeing his dad, but he refuses to listen and just repeats that he wants to go back to XX country.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 19/12/2013 21:24

He has no idea what he wants, he just knows he's in pain and doesn't want to be without his dad. His reaction would be the same even if there were no foreign country involved.

Original poster
lemmingcurd · 19/12/2013 21:30

Thanks Twinklestein I do realise all this but STBX has been so manipulative and oppressive and self - centred that DS is now in a complete tailspin. H is basically incapable of saying to him, look, this is what's best and this is what's happening, he just continues to create confusion.

OP posts:
bumbumsmummy · 19/12/2013 21:32

Which country ? I don't think I would allow it at all are you sure he's going to bring them back ?

Original poster
lemmingcurd · 19/12/2013 21:56

Italy yes he will bring them back, hasn't got the wit or resources to abscond and I know exactly where they are going

OP posts:
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