Not sure how much contact about ds since separation

[PPaka]

I'm at my parents, hopefully h will have moved out by the time I get back in the new year, but finding contact with him a bit strange
Ds is 6, and I would usually talk to H once or twice a day about whatever ds had been up to.
And at least one phone call for ds
H didn't get home a lot, so didnt see each other much during the week. He was also on business quite a bit, so ds doesn't miss him as much as would be usual I think.

I can't really be expected to carry this on, can I?
I really don't want to talk to him,but happy to send short texts or the odd photo
And if ds asks we can phone him

What did you do?

Slightly skewed atm because we're at my parents and ds v excited and away from home etc

Your ex is an unpleasant man that behaved appallingly, made threats when he was discovered and you're quite right, he's not someone you want to be having cosy chats with for quite some time. You need time to adjust to being independent and there are going to be plenty of wobbles without him whispering in your ear

I think your ex should be the one principally initiating contact with DS rather than you feeling that it's your responsibility to facilitate communications. So you're not going to be obstructive if he wants to talk to DS, for example, but you're not going to go out of your way to send information about DS if he doesn't.

I have to pick my time for ds to talk to him
Guaranteed if H calls, he will be manic, eating dinner, running around with cousins etc
So I can pick a time when we're alone in the car, or just before bedtime
But because I've done this before, doesn't mean I have to do it everyday now?

Also he has fucked up, but I don't want to punish him, or look like I am punishing him with no contact
It's between me and him, ds shouldn't suffer
Not that he's showing any signs of missing daddy

It's not punishing to have a timetable, it's setting boundaries that work for you and DS. DS (and arguably you) needs stability, structure and predictability to his life. You've both been through an upheaval, it's early days, and the last thing you need is an ex that dips in and out, expecting you to drop everything. So not punishing.... boundaries.... stability, order, structure. Keep telling yourself that.

I think it's just tricky because its holidays

But I'm so bloody used to texting him back immediately, or being conscious that I haven't text/called him

He used to give me such a hard time if I didn't respond immediately
He was still doing it last week.

For 3 years before we split, I worked away a lot. Never spoke to my child (12 months up to 4 years) when away, because we thought it might upset her when very young, and then she was just used to it. Separated now. Obviously she's used to this, but it works fine not speaking to child on day you don't have them.
I'd suggest working towards that, if you're not going a long time between handovers. Let the phone contact slip over a period of time, only maintain it if your child asks.
As for text updates on your child's day... No. You have a life to lead, and the parent without child that day doesn't NEED to know.

Not acceptable if he's expecting you to say 'how high' whenever he says 'jump'. Giving you a hard time is totally off the cards. You're separated now and the game has changed.... he needs to catch up and fast. Communicate briefly, preferably in writing (e-mail) and keep records of all exchanges. When you start working on formal contact arrangements with a solicitor, you'll need this kind of information