I shouldn't feel this way...(very long, any advice much appreciated)

[maxomummy]

I have a crush on a man I share a hobby with. I'm married (for 11 years) with 3 year old twins. I think he is interested in me - he is single but knows I'm a married mum. He started (mildly) flirting with me in class and I noticed he had a fabulous smile (I didn't look twice at him before then) and we went on a night out with the group and he flirted alot more, i.e. smacking my bum (more than once) and suggesting verbally that he finds me attractive. You know when you just know there's a 'vibe' there? He added me on FB too and we've been chatting occasionally, something I really look forward to. It's ridiculous really because I wouldn't be feeling this way if I felt looked after and attractive in my marriage and I think that's my bottom line. I feel so foolish, he's either too nice to do anything more than flirt or too smart to get involved with a woman like me with so much baggage. I love my husband but I haven't felt attractive and 'seen' by him since before I had my twins and since then things are worse, we rarely get to go out together and it's been along time since we had a really good laugh and night out together and I know this is a big part of the problem. I had the opportunity last night to take things a step further with this other guy (or at least to be rebuffed by him if I have it all wrong in my head!) but I did nothing!! And now I'm frustrated feeling like I've somehow missed out on an important opportunity. But then again, didn't I do the right thing rather than risk my marriage? I am so sorry to go on, I could witter on for much longer but in a nutshell: I know I shouldn't feel this way about another man, but I do and I can't seem to help it. I'm worried everything will come crashing down on me if I decide to act on my feelings and I'm worried if I don't I'll be stuck feeling frustrated forever. How do I go about patching things up with my DH when I'm not even sure he knows how I feel even a little bit? Please, what do I do? I'm so confused. :-(

Forget this crush and start paying more attention to your marriage. Do things to spice things up with your husband. It takes work. Won't happen by taking the back seat or flirting with another person. How would you feel if your husband was engaging in what you are now. This guy you have a crush on does not respect the boundaries that come with married women. For him to smack your bum etc when out is disrespectful and invading your personal space. There is no 'vibe'. He's being a prat. You are married with two beautiful children. Don't ruin it, work on it.

What worries me is that I didn't feel disrespected Moonimoo, I felt noticed and desirable! There's something wrong there surely?!

A bonus for anyone going to evening class is that once a week if they like, they can switch on the charm and flirt for 1 or 2 hours, none of the hassles or distractions of home or office life. If you're the one reciprocating then you get the full wattage smile.

A night out in a group, well a few more laughs maybe some alcohol to oil the wheels, try and cop a feel or even a few cuddles. FB for those slow dull days between classes. And DH, clueless, the same old same old.

It is one evening a week where you forget about your day to day routine, this other student looks so pleased to see you and I bet every time you look up he's gazing or smiling at you. Know what I think?

He's neither too nice nor too smart to take the next step, you are propelling things along quite briskly without him having to strain a muscle. That vibe is simply you looking into a mirror, your reflection: bright eyes, mutual admiration, sly glances, a bit of electricity if you accidentally touch. I would be astonished if you were so relaxed about DH getting ego strokes like this.

Snap out of it! Do you see what boredom does, could you try addressing this with DH first? It's all right having a nice fantasy from time to time but don't mistake it for anything more.

Make yourself noticed and desirable to your dh. Work on that :) you'll feel much better. The grass is not always greener on the other side. You're treading on dangerous ground.

It's a crush... that's perfectly normal. You are human and it's ok to feel attracted to other people. The problem lies when you decide to act on it.

Perhaps you should imagine saying to your husband '' there's something we need to talk about. I've been with someone else''..

Give your marriage the TLC that it deserves... tell your husband if you feel neglected or undesired. He probably doesn't realise. Affairs are messy and painful and your kids and husband don't deserve the fallout.

Thank you, some good advice...not sure I can just 'snap out of it' so easily. Wetwetwet, thank you for normalising my 'crush' I feel a lot better and things are more in perspective now. It really helps to talk and I'm so glad I didn't take anything further last night I feel bad enough for thinking about it! :-(