Background - met OH on line 15 months ago. We are both late 40s. I have a 12yo DS and he has a DD and DS who are teenagers.
We saw each other most days and evenings and he ended up moving in with me in March this year (after 5 months). He sees his children most days. My DS is very easy to get on with, but OH was very resentful and always picked fault with him. OH also has a very short fuse - if he perceives he is being picked on about something he will have a full blown temper tantrum and leave the house. Often not coming back until the next day.
He does not have a job - so I pay for everything. He has chunks of money coming in, but not enough to pay his way by a long shot. When money does come in he does hand it over to me. I have lent him money for a car/ repairs and including rent he still owes me, it comes to about £6.5k.
When he is angry he is verbally abusive and a couple of times has behaved aggressively.
I know I can be a bit "do it my way" but the house is mine and I don't see why I can't make decisions about things like that. I have opinions about most things, and he gets pretty cross if I don't do things his way. Unfortunately (and he agrees) most of the time my ways are better, more considered and his ways are likely to cause damage or go wrong. But I never say that - just let it work it out for himself and when he sees it, he apologises and says I was right. He is always quick to apologise but the stress he gives me because of the anger bubbling below the surface makes for uncomfortable times.
I have just bought a dog - this was intended to bring everyone closer together. What has happened is that OH has become very jealous over the dog (he denies it) and every time my DS tries to play with her or have anything to do with her, he always tells him he is doing something wrong. In fact, he consistently raises eyebrows, sighs heavily or is simply nasty to my DS who is desperately trying to stop OH from picking on him. When he does pick on him, I then get involved and things inevitably go from bad to worse.
Last night DS and I came home about 9ish from a carol concert. As soon as we walked through the door, the dog started jumping around. DS went over to calm her down, and immediately OH said "don't wind her up" in a pained voice. At which point I sighed pointedly and went to put the shopping away. This started up a major argument (well, OH was arguing and I wasn't saying much as I don't shout). He then said he was leaving and taking the dog. At which point DS shot out of his bedroom and told OH that he could not take the dog. As OH bent down he (I think accidentally) elbowed DS in the face. At that point I DID lose the plot, and told him that he had finally hit the point of no return.
During the melee that followed, OH pushed DS, insulted him numerous times about the bullying he had received from people at school and how he deserved it, called him by a girls name, said he was ashamed when people at school saw him picking DS up in case they thought they were related and countless other things. He also insulted me in pretty much every way conceivable. He refused to give me the house keys and garage keys back, and also the dog car carrier (he is the main carer of the dog as he is at home most of the time).
I got DS to lock himself and dog in his bedroom, and then asked OH to leave. I asked for my credit cards back (he is a card holder on them) - he said they were in the car. He went across the road, and I followed - at which point he jumped in the car and drove off with the credit cards, the dog cage, the house keys and garage keys.
He then text me to tell me that I could not look after the dog as I work full time. As he has no money, nowhere to live and no prospects, I fail to see how he could look after her anyway. I suggested that he should have been more concerned with his behaviour to a 12 year old than the dog, but have not heard anything since.
The house is mine, so no worries there. My DS, dog and I have a roof over our heads. He owes me £6.5k and there is no prospect of seeing it.
So why am I so upset? Surely I should be pleased that he is out of our lives. But he could be the most lovely companion a lot of the time. He has to take medication for ADHD and is probably depressed but this is no excuse for us being his verbal punch bags.
No idea even why I am writing - just been reading other experiences and don't know what to do. It only happened last night (I locked the door with a key that he did not have to ensure he did not enter the house without my knowledge) and I have put all his belongings at the front of the house ready for collection.
Should I have made him go to anger management sessions? Would this have worked? I know he misses his DC and obviously is resenting the fact that my DS lives with me.
It is such a mess. I feel like I have lost part of me - even after a relatively short time of being together. It is so hard.