variagatedivy She's asking whether she can tap into her libido, as reading this, it seems to be the crux of the matter. I read it that both of them want to remain married, that he likes sex and wants sex with her. She clearly doesn't want going through the motions sex and chances are he won't be satisfied by going through the motions sex as he will see this as him imposing himself on her as well as feeling rejected. My own husband told me after I lost my libido when we first had my DD that he really wanted me more than ever as his love for me was even greater because he saw another side of me he loved through the gift of our baby. He didn't see the weight gain and stretch marks as it was me as a person he wanted. He felt rejected, unwanted, and hurt and worst of all was in danger of believing himself to be unreasonable, abnormal and a sex pest because he was so frustrated and wanted me so badly! That must have been awful for him (understatement if the year) and I regret to this day how hurt and alone he must if been feeling :(
Sex can just satisfy a basic physical need as it's fun and a release (which is why for some, sex with strangers can be satisfying). If the OP wants a sexless marriage, she's not just asking him to be faithful to her, she's actually expecting him to completely give up his own sexuality (I don't want sex with you but I don't want you to have sex ever again) and that's a big ask if sex is important to the other person. Sexless marriages can just be perceived by those without a sex drive as just a lack of the physical, but can also be seen by a sexual person as rejection and lack of love for them too. So, is the OP simply not a sexual person? If so she won't get her libido back and that's not uncommon, not everyone likes sex or sees it as important. If that's the case and she's with a man for whom sex is important then they have a problem and it needs to be confronted.
If the lack of libido because she's tired, if there's a medical reason, if she does not fancy her husband, if she wants sex but has confidence issues, if she wants sex but the sex isn't satisfying for her and needs to be better so she wants to be sexual, these are all issues that can be improved upon so not at all comparable to realising you simply aren't sexual at all.
They need to tease through what the issue is for her, and do so together. Talking through with her husband shows him that she acknowledges his wants and needs and because it's important to him then it's important to her too. It demonstrated that she trusts him enough to be honest with him, that she values him and not just staying in a stays quo marriage for the sake of the family unit and values their marriage as being for love than just as parents together.
If the crux of this is that she is happy in a sexless marriage and can't see a way to regain her libido, they need to talk about whether he can stick to her boundaries of being faithful in a sexless marriage. They both need to be absolutely open and honest with one another to confront the issues and see if a compromise can be reached that means the marriage can continue, and as a happy one rather than something limping on for the sake if the family unit.
So, can she tap into her desire for sex (prompted by either lust or love rather than just going through the motions, if at all) or does she never want a sexual relationship again?
Many people don't want sex and for many couples that's perfectly acceptable so no issue. For the couples where both partners aren't happy to remain in a sexless marriage and the partner who wants sex can't see the other person appreciating their wants and needs, they will suffer from their own physical and emotional needs not being met or considered important by their partner. So it's important the OP shows him that even if she doesn't want sex, his feelings are important to her and that she's trying to find answers and a way through so he knows he's worth something to her.