Round in circles, fed up:(

[mrsericnorthmaniwish]

Going to try and be brief, I have posted a few times:) I left h few months ago after I filed for divorce(he was subtly ea and there has been some violence over the years) we have done mediation which was a waste of time, he didn't like what he was told so walked out then refused to discuss that matter next time. Not once did he find out what I actually wanted from all this so I have decided court is the place to sort it out cause he isn't going to listen to me-he never did so why would he now? My solicitor tends to agree, so the forms have been filed and he has been told. Now he has come back saying he doesn't want to go to court. I am fed up with this, he is telling and dictating, I feel like I have no say whatsoever and everything is to his tune. There are dcs too, I am attempting to fight for something so we can start our future as he has offered nothing. Sorry, don't know what I am asking, just wanted to out it all down and that's helped:) any advice appreciated, thank you for reading:)

What are your main areas of disagreement. child contact or finance?

Hello Mrs. Why not choose how it goes yourself? You say yes or no, as you please? Like you say, he won't change so you can either go with his whim and do yourself down, or stop chasing him and dictate how it will go yourself. If the latter, avoid letting him talk to you directly as he'll try to make you go back to doing it his way x do expect for that x. But you just avoid contact and he won't get anywhere with you x good luck x

Sorry you are going through this OP, am in a similar position. Separated from subtlety EA STBXH in the summer. He has nothing to say to me about what the hell has happened between us. In fact he appears to be more at home in a position of powerlessness as he would appear to agree the split is final yet can't even be arsed to Google the basics of what happens next. It's depressing, like the opting out of actually raising kids and contributing to family life is being played out now in the same way: he simply has nothing to offer. It is hurtful and I feel your pain. Is there any way you could discuss the next move with him? Have you discussed money etc?

Keep using the pressure of the court until you get what you need. based on past behaviour, it's highly likely he is just trying to take the pressure off and will go back to old ways the minute itvis.

The house is the main issue, he is just telling what's going to happen, I haven't been given the opportunity to give my view. I won't speak to him other than about the children, there is little point, everything else is via solicitors, I am just frustrated at being undermined by him all the time - the papers have gone to court ffs, my solicitor has written to say I want to go to court, we are waiting for dates and he just comes back with he doesn't want to, he wants solicitors to discuss it all now - why??:( sorry, I am ranting. Handywoman - mine was the same, he has nothing to say about what's actually happened to us other than to lay the blame with me entirely

Try and remain detached and business like, OP. Push through with courts otherwise it sounds like it will drag on horribly and painfully.

What he wants is irrelevant. His solicitor can inform your solicitor if there is some option that would avoid court and protect your interests fairly - there's clearly no point you discussing it with him directly.

It's occurred to me that in going to court it has finally dawned on him that he will not be looked at favourably, hence wanting to avoid court. I will continue in this path unless he is willing to offer something, like you say, fair and in the interests of the children, rather than his own interests. Handywoman-that's my concern, it's taking forever as it is and this just feels like it's to drag it out even more:(

MRS, I wouldn't 'continue in that path unless'.. I'd just take control. Say its all in the hands of the solicitor now so it passed time for talking. He will stall and stall if he thinks he can get away with it.

^^
Agree. He's shown his colours. Drive him till it's done.

subtly EA, you say ?

Ignore him now, go the solicitor route and don't give up until it is sorted out to your satisfaction.

I am trying to be nice, I have no idea why - he was really horrible towards the end. It's time I was firm I think, your words are what I am thinking, he is stalling again, it's alright for him he is ok, it's the children and I who need sorting and obviously that's of no concern to him. I just find it hard to be firm even when I am doing it through solicitors. Thank you for your replies:)

You don't have to be 'not nice' just because you look after yourself and choose not to do what he wants all the time