Help please on seperation agreement?

[thefearhasgone]

My DH has asked me to come up with what i ideally want from him financially if/when we seperate. We have DS1 about to start reception and DS2 about to start kindergarten. I do not work and have 2.5 hrs clear in between drop off and pick up. We have a large mortgage £300k plus and about 200k of equity in the house. I do not want to move because i don't want the boys to have their father move out, start a new school and have to move house. Also even if i get all the equity i couldn't buy a run down 2 bed flat round here.
DH is concerned i am going to go for his business which is property and opens up a whole can of worms because he has a business partner who understandably wouldn't want to sell anything, they would have to pay tax on any sales and they don;t want to sell anything. He has said in principle he is prepared to finance the running costs of me staying in the house - our outgoings are £4k a month at the moment which totally shocked me when i worked this out and i don't think he realises this.
His income mainly comes from refinancing properties so he gets a lump sum in and uses it up rather than a steady flow of rent being more than mortgages.
I have been to a solicitor but neither of us want to end up paying hefty legal bills if we can find a mutually agreeable solution and get it legally endorsed.
Sorry for all this detail not sure if it is relevant but basically i am drawing up a wish list and wanted to know if there is anything anyone can advise me of that i should be considering and asking for or that would be unreasonable to expect.
Also in terms of seeing the children can anyone suggest what would be in their interest. He is a good dad and i want him to have as much contact as possible but i also don;'t want it to be unsettling or confusing for them. I am not sure if it would be appropriate for him to come to the house here either with me out or me here if we can be cordial?
Read this back and it sounds cold but i have had enough of the desperate unhappiness of the last few years and i am ready to

oops left out what i am ready to do - wonder if that was significant! Well i believe i am ready to move on with my life because i don't want to cry every day and be subjected to constant criticism and hurtful behaviour and i don't want my beautiful boys to grow up with that as a norm and role model.

The key things to put in are child support, child contact and residence, spousal support and the division of the marital property and debts.

You can download a parenting plan whihc deals with absolutely every aspect of things even to brithdays, christmas and introducing new partners and is fab at www.dca.gov.uk/family/divleaf.htm

Make some ground rules - dont get involved in a serious relationship, dont bad mouth your spouse, dont do things that will be hurtful to your spouse, avoid sexual relations with your spouse without first understanding the ramifications of doing so. Keep the lines of communication open between you adn your spouse, allow your spouse to spend plenty of time with the kids if they live with you and meet all of your obligations to your spouse and children without fail!

Hope this makes sense much of it was taken from Divorce for dummies which has a clear section on serparation and how to do it properly!

By the way I tried all this and my X is and was an abusive shit and agreed to most of it and never ever followed any of it so be careful!

thank you and yes i agree about the income for myself but when i look at the outgoings of 4k a month i think what the hell can i do that is going to make any sort of dent in the time i have available.

Do you know how i would find out about a child centred mediation service that sounds an excellent idea.

thank you so much anniemac for your wise advice and especially for the 'be prepared' because you are right his potential generosity is probably not going to be long lived. I'd just like to beleive that i can and will maintain my current lifestyle and thats probably a little too fairy tale like for reality!
Glitterfairy i've seen your posts on many threads and always thought how lovely you sound and that link is excellent, thank you.
My DH is an abusive shit to me but i still think he is a good person with a good heart who will do the decent thing - lets see if i am living in fairyland or not....

anniemac i am in north west london

okay point taken and i am currently looking at exactly what my current lifestyle is and how much it costs to assess what is reasonable to expect to maintain.
I do think it will be horrendous for him in the beginning and thats mainly why he's still here but he always wanted the single life and the only way he would commit to me in the beginning was if i got pregnant. (alarm bells should have rung then!) However i will do as much as in my power to ease that because i want the boys to have a brilliant and as full as possible relationship with him and am determined not to let that come in the way of whatever goes on with him and I. They love him, he loves them and i hope to god that continues.