Do you hold families members to higher standards?

[LeBFG]

This is the question I've been wondering about recently. Not going to give personal details but I have had a falling out with a family member and, as usual in these cases, a bit of blame lays at both doors. However, I feel said person is treating me differently, more harshly, than she would a friend. I would like to forget and forget (have already apologised) but to no avail. If a friend had had the same falling out, I suspect she would have been forgiven by now.

Do you forgive friends more easily than family? Do you hold your relations to higher moral standards than friends?

I don't know.

Is it a sibling?

Because I know I have a far more complicated relationship with my sibs than I do with my friends.

It's not that I hold them to different standards, but they can hurt me (and I them, presumably) in ways that nobody else can.

Why can siblings hurt in those ways though? We know each other inside out but perhaps we are more sensitive to slights too??

Shouldn't we be more willing to forgive as we're tied by blood - we can't change our relations but we freely choose friends. I don't know if any of that makes sense really.

I think we can hurt each other more because we have known each other since we were children, and the dynamics we had as kids never entirely move on.

I recently had a conversation with my mother (61) about her own sister (60) and she was so incredibly hurt by something her sis had done and so much of the pain was about the dynamic between those two.

To everyone else (including me) it was hard to understand why my Mum was as hurt as she was. But in the end I had to concede that their relationship is particular to them, they've never not had each other there driving each other mad (although they are usually very close).

I think we should be more willing to forgive - and I think in many ways we do. We overlook things and pretend they are not happening and have our own ways of dealing with each other.

But when it stops working and we have to face each other's shortcomings, it can be a bit harder to get back to equilibrium.

I'm not sure if this makes sense either :o

Mum (82) and her little sister (78.5) are vile together-like a couple of Kilkenny cats. When mum was in hospital after bladder infection, went a bit gaga and thought I was her sister -you have never seen such malevolence in someone's eyes. She started yelling at me (all the while, my blue eyed brother who can do no wrong was chuckling away!!), Going on about me standing on her feet all the time.

They love each other really but crikey when they are together -put ear plugs in. It also annoys me that my brother can do no wrong and can say what he likes to my mum (I don't mean swearing or rudeness-). He can nag her about using her zimmer frame more etc etc but I get screamed at for going on about it. It's ok though. She knows she does it.

I am looking after her at the moment (though she has carers). She is getting worried about her memory. We were supposed to take her to the hospital today. She is still going but I now have to wait for the plumber as she THINKS that is who she spoke to this morning while I was out. However I just heard form the gas man abut a service so she is really confused now....... I just asked her if she thinks the farrier may be coming too (joke - we don't have horses!!!!)