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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice needed. Huge mistake

19 replies

mummytasha11 · 18/12/2013 09:20

Recently I was on a night out and ended up hooking up with a friends ex boyfriend..I feel awful about it and have apologised to friend and said I understand if she no longer wants to be friends.

Bit of a background story - she is in a circle of friend with my ex and I guess in the back of my mind I think she has hooked up with my ex

Anyway now this girl and her friends won't leave me alone and are sending me abusive text messages and all the rest of it.

I know what I did was wrong but I cannot take it back and it was a drunken mistake Sad

OP posts:
glasgowsteven · 18/12/2013 09:55

You can't rewrite the past.

Apologise, blame alcohol

TheCrumpetQueen · 18/12/2013 09:59

Report them for harassment to 101 and keep all messages

Offred · 18/12/2013 09:59

How ridiculous. She doesn't own him or you. You can hook up with whoever you like. She needs to sort herself out. I've absolutely no idea why you're apologising so much!

Meerka · 18/12/2013 10:00

If he was an ex of your friend, I don't see the problem with you hooking up with him. If it was recent then a bit of distance would have been better. If not, then there's no problem at all. I think your friend is being unreasonable. Yes, it might give her an odd twinge - but he's an ex. Not current.

So no it wasn't wrong.

The thing about you thinking she's hooked up with your ex though. Was this a bit of revenge? Because the same holds true for you. He's your -ex-. If your friend goes out with him, that is between them, and if it's hard to come to terms with for you, it's something you have to do. Sleeping with someone for revenge on someone else is pretty sordid though.

If they are sending you abusive texts though, I think all you can do is either tell them to shut up, becuase it's not actually anything to do with her now; wait until it stops; or find new friends. Which you might have to do anyway, worse case.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 18/12/2013 10:01

What Offred said.

You did nothing wrong.

Your friend is a loon.

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 18/12/2013 14:47

Thanks everyone. I have apologised and I won't be talking to the bloke anymore so I can't do anything else really.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 18/12/2013 16:51

What exactly have you apologised for?

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 18/12/2013 16:55

Hurting her feelings ?! To be honest we are both single so we haven't done anything wrong...she and him haven't been together for a long time there is some history there but I liked him and he liked me plus plenty of alcohol clouded my normal judgement so suppose she just needs to get over it I can't take it back

OP posts:
Original poster
mummytasha11 · 18/12/2013 16:55

Unwritten rule I suppose you shouldn't get with your friends ex's but i wouldn't say she's exactly a close friend

OP posts:
MirandaWest · 18/12/2013 16:56

I don't see what you are apologising for as you and he are both single.

BeCool · 18/12/2013 17:00

You've done nothing wrong & your friend is being possessive and immature.

zippey · 18/12/2013 17:23

If its an unwritten rule then its not a rule at all. I dont think you have anything to apologise about. Its your friend who should apologise for sending abusive texts. She isnt a very good friend.

Anniegetyourgun · 18/12/2013 18:31

If she wanted him back, and you knew she did, then it was thoughtless of you (but no worse than thoughtless imo) and she has some right to be upset. If he treated her very badly, again I can understand her feeling you have let down a friend and in addition you were unwise because he could have gone on to be horrible to you. But if he's just a bloke in her past, what on earth is the problem? Unless only virgins or widows ever married, you're bound to be seeing somebody's ex. And you say she's not even a close friend. So exactly how much loyalty do you owe her? The whole thing sounds really weird to me.

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 18/12/2013 19:19

Whenever shes talked about him in the past it has been bad things she's never said to me she still has feelings for him or wants to get back with him. He didn't treat her great but I'm not going to take it any further with him it was a drunken fling but looks like I've lost a friend through it..oh well

OP posts:
Offred · 18/12/2013 19:26

A. She isn't really your friend judging by the way she is trying to control you and the abusive texts.

B. I don't know why you would want to be friends with her when she's clearly quite unhinged!

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 18/12/2013 19:27

Maybe the good thing to come out of it is that she will undoubtedly cut me out but I just don't want the drama or abusive text messages...

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 18/12/2013 19:31

I'm married to my friends ex. She got over it.

She sounds very childish.

Cabrinha · 18/12/2013 23:00

To be honest, you both sound very teenage - hooking up, getting with...?
Nothing to apologise for, and you're well shot of her as a friend.
You might want to think about your alcohol intake though, if you feel that you make mistakes when drunk.

Original poster
mummytasha11 · 19/12/2013 21:16

The ironic part is we are both late twenties and have young children

OP posts:
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